Ok, I'm really late on this one, you got me. I missed the start of the first round of Sunday games. But here we are. These are the numbers based on every game through week 5:
1. Cincinnati Bengals
Still #1, but it's a LOT closer after having to play against Kam Chancellor.
2. Arizona Cardinals
Looked amazing again demolishing Detroit. Carson Palmer had as many TDs as incompletions.
3. Green Bay Packers
This time it was the defense, which is now top 10 after picking off Foles four times.
4. New England Patriots
Romo would have made that game interesting.
5. Pittsburgh Steelers
They ran the ball pretty well. Particularly Vick.
6. Seattle Seahawks
Back to being ranked in the range they're used to after outplaying the best team in the league (on the road!).
7. Denver Broncos
Peyton might be done. The running game is nonexistent. Luckily for them, they have by FAR the most dominant defense in the league. Maybe in years. Maybe better than the one that held their greatest-offense-of-all-time to 8 points in the Superbowl. Ok, maybe not that good, but they're on that level. However, their offense isn't CLOSE to the level of that Seahawks offense. But with Peyton, there's always the chance of finding some magic for a final push.
8. St. Louis Rams
They may have had some troubles on O against Green Bay, but that defense is a top 5 unit in the league. Aaron Donald is basically a smaller JJ Watt. Which means he's probably going to the hall of fame.
9. New York Jets
Ok, now come the boring teams. Time to stop talking.
10. Buffalo Bills
11. Philadelphia Eagles
12. New York Giants
13. Carolina Panthers
14. Baltimore Ravens
15. Atlanta Falcons
16. Dallas Cowboys
17. San Diego Chargers
18. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
19. Washington Redskins
20. Kansas City Chiefs
21. Oakland Raiders
22. Tennessee Titans
23. Chicago Bears
24. Houston Texans
25. Jacksonville Jaguars
26. Minnesota Vikings
27. Indianapolis Colts
28. Cleveland Browns
29. San Francisco 49ers
30. New Orleans Saints
31. Detroit Lions
32. Miami Dolphins
Sunday, October 18, 2015
Thursday, October 8, 2015
2015 NFL Power Rankings Week 4
1. Cincinnati Bengals
It's not CLOSE. Like, at bengALL.
2. Green Bay Packers
Just the top of a pack of teams all in essentially the same place.
3. Pittsburgh Steelers
No. Fuck the Steelers.
4. Arizona Cardinals
Sometimes winning just isn't in the cards.
5. New England Patriots
More like the New England Golden TATEriots, am I right?
6. Denver Broncos
Ok, I just saw the Seahawks below me and realized I'm gonna have no shot at making puns out of all these names.
7. St. Louis Rams
Ok, bye everybody, we don't need to talk about the rest of the teams. The one below these ramblings is gonna win the Superbowl, the rest suck, you know the story.
8. Seattle Seahawks
9. Dallas Cowboys
10. Baltimore Ravens
11. Buffalo Bills
12. New York Jets
13. New York Giants
14. Philadelphia Eagles
15. Atlanta Falcons
16. Carolina Panthers
17. San Diego Chargers
18. Washington Redskins
19. Oakland Raiders
20. Kansas City Chiefs
21. Jacksonville Jaguars
Haha just kidding I have something more to say. If you were wondering if this is the first AFC South team you've seen so far, well, then I'm impressed, because you're perceptive as fuck. But yes. That's right. The Jacksonville motherfucking Jaguars are the best team in their division.
22. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
23. Detroit Lions
24. Tennessee Titans
25. Chicago Bears
26. Minnesota Vikings
27. Houston Texans
28. Indianapolis Colts
29. New Orleans Saints
30. San Francisco 49ers
31. Cleveland Browns
32. Miami Dolphins
It's not CLOSE. Like, at bengALL.
2. Green Bay Packers
Just the top of a pack of teams all in essentially the same place.
3. Pittsburgh Steelers
No. Fuck the Steelers.
4. Arizona Cardinals
Sometimes winning just isn't in the cards.
5. New England Patriots
More like the New England Golden TATEriots, am I right?
6. Denver Broncos
Ok, I just saw the Seahawks below me and realized I'm gonna have no shot at making puns out of all these names.
7. St. Louis Rams
Ok, bye everybody, we don't need to talk about the rest of the teams. The one below these ramblings is gonna win the Superbowl, the rest suck, you know the story.
8. Seattle Seahawks
9. Dallas Cowboys
10. Baltimore Ravens
11. Buffalo Bills
12. New York Jets
13. New York Giants
14. Philadelphia Eagles
15. Atlanta Falcons
16. Carolina Panthers
17. San Diego Chargers
18. Washington Redskins
19. Oakland Raiders
20. Kansas City Chiefs
21. Jacksonville Jaguars
Haha just kidding I have something more to say. If you were wondering if this is the first AFC South team you've seen so far, well, then I'm impressed, because you're perceptive as fuck. But yes. That's right. The Jacksonville motherfucking Jaguars are the best team in their division.
22. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
23. Detroit Lions
24. Tennessee Titans
25. Chicago Bears
26. Minnesota Vikings
27. Houston Texans
28. Indianapolis Colts
29. New Orleans Saints
30. San Francisco 49ers
31. Cleveland Browns
32. Miami Dolphins
Sunday, October 4, 2015
2015 NFL Power Rankings Week 3
I beat my time last week by a couple minutes! Unfortunately there was some dumb London game in the early morning. But no one cares about the Dolphins and Jets anyway. Ravens and Steelers? Maybe. But that game was WAY too early. But I digress. Here are your rankings:
1. Cincinnati Bengals
2. Pittsburgh Steelers
3. Green Bay Packers
4. Arizona Cardinals
5. New England Patriots
6. Denver Broncos
7. Dallas Cowboys
8. St. Louis Rams
9. Seattle Seahawks
10. Buffalo Bills
11. Baltimore Ravens
12. Carolina Panthers
13. Philadelphia Eagles
14. New York Giants
15. New York Jets
16. Washington Redskins
17. San Diego Chargers
18. Atlanta Falcons
19. Kansas City Chiefs
20. Oakland Raiders (2-1. What???)
21. Indianapolis Colts
22. Minnesota Vikings
23. Houston Texans
24. Tennessee Titans
25. Detroit Lions
26. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
27. Jacksonville Jaguars
28. Chicago Bears
29. San Francisco 49ers
30. Miami Dolphins
31. Cleveland Browns
32. New Orleans Saints (This is despite a top 10 offense. That's how bad the D has been. The lowest team other than them with a top 10 O or D unit is the Falcons at 18 (7th best offense).)
1. Cincinnati Bengals
2. Pittsburgh Steelers
3. Green Bay Packers
4. Arizona Cardinals
5. New England Patriots
6. Denver Broncos
7. Dallas Cowboys
8. St. Louis Rams
9. Seattle Seahawks
10. Buffalo Bills
11. Baltimore Ravens
12. Carolina Panthers
13. Philadelphia Eagles
14. New York Giants
15. New York Jets
16. Washington Redskins
17. San Diego Chargers
18. Atlanta Falcons
19. Kansas City Chiefs
20. Oakland Raiders (2-1. What???)
21. Indianapolis Colts
22. Minnesota Vikings
23. Houston Texans
24. Tennessee Titans
25. Detroit Lions
26. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
27. Jacksonville Jaguars
28. Chicago Bears
29. San Francisco 49ers
30. Miami Dolphins
31. Cleveland Browns
32. New Orleans Saints (This is despite a top 10 offense. That's how bad the D has been. The lowest team other than them with a top 10 O or D unit is the Falcons at 18 (7th best offense).)
Sunday, September 27, 2015
2015 NFL Power Rankings Week 2
Getting this out right as the Sunday games start week 3. Let's. Go.
1. Pittsburgh Steelers
2. Cincinnati Bengals
3. New England Patriots
4. Dallas Cowboys
5. Denver Broncos
6. Green Bay Packers
7. Arizona Cardinals
8. Baltimore Ravens
9. Buffalo Bills
10. St. Louis Rams
11. Kansas City Chiefs
12. New York Jets
13. Carolina Panthers
14. Seattle Seahawks
15. Washington Redskins
16. San Diego Chargers
17. Cleveland Browns
18. Tennessee Titans
19. Philadelphia Eagles
20. Houston Texans
21. San Francisco 49ers
22. Atlanta Falcons
23. New York Giants
24. Miami Dolphins
25. Minnesota Vikings
26. Detroit Lions
27. Jacksonville Jaguars
28. Indianapolis Colts
29. Chicago Bears
30. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
31. Oakland Raiders
32. New Orleans Saints
1. Pittsburgh Steelers
2. Cincinnati Bengals
3. New England Patriots
4. Dallas Cowboys
5. Denver Broncos
6. Green Bay Packers
7. Arizona Cardinals
8. Baltimore Ravens
9. Buffalo Bills
10. St. Louis Rams
11. Kansas City Chiefs
12. New York Jets
13. Carolina Panthers
14. Seattle Seahawks
15. Washington Redskins
16. San Diego Chargers
17. Cleveland Browns
18. Tennessee Titans
19. Philadelphia Eagles
20. Houston Texans
21. San Francisco 49ers
22. Atlanta Falcons
23. New York Giants
24. Miami Dolphins
25. Minnesota Vikings
26. Detroit Lions
27. Jacksonville Jaguars
28. Indianapolis Colts
29. Chicago Bears
30. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
31. Oakland Raiders
32. New Orleans Saints
Tuesday, September 15, 2015
2015 NFL Power Rankings Week 1
Whaddup. I'm back. These rankings are some combination of last year and this year. Slightly more last year. But not enough so that the huge lucky swings in week 1 success can't overwhelm it.
1. Denver Broncos
Peyton SUUUUCKS. But seriously he had like 4.4 yards per attempt. And unlike EVERY OTHER YEAR EVER, he couldn't get the ball out fast enough to beat the pressure. Which is why the Broncos as a team averaged 3.4 yards per pass play. HOWEVER, they have a legitimately elite defense, and once Evan Mathis gets used to playing with his fellow offensive linemen, their O should be fine.
2. St. Louis Rams
They killed Seattle. That game wasn't as close as it looked. Like usual, they got to Russell Wilson all day (6 sacks), but UNLIKE usual, they had solid (if not spectacular) quarterback play, with Nick Foles averaging 11 yards per attempt with 0 interceptions. Are they actually good? Who the fuck knows, but they deserve everybody's attention right now.
3. Buffalo Bills
Haha more like Andrew SUCK am I right? But seriously, their defense is like, really good. Rex Ryan is fucking good at coaching that side of the ball. And then somehow Tyrod Taylor was good, but I buy that even less than Foles.
4. Cincinnati Bengals
This is what happens when you get to play the Raiders before it's official that they suck. But the Bengals really are a fairly good team. Probably.
5. Arizona Cardinals
Ok, this first week's rankings are heavily skewed toward QBs who had good games. The Cardinals are a legit team, but it's really because of their D. Carson Palmer won't be able to play the Saints every game.
6. San Francisco 49ers
Ok, that spin move by Carlos Hyde was actually fucking legit. But fuck the 49ers.
7. Green Bay Packers
They finna get SMACKED this weekend.
8. Pittsburgh Steelers
Their D sucks, but it's also not their fault that Tom Brady is too much of a BITCH to throw downfield anymore. They also were missing some dudes, and that offense (read: Antonio Brown) is still really good.
9. Dallas Cowboys
Romo is probably the second best quarterback in the NFL. And the best one doesn't really have an offensive line, so give Romo the MVP.
10. Baltimore Ravens
Just like the Ravens of old: Great D, no O. Like NONE. But the Broncos are pretty good, so they get somewhat of a pass.
11. San Diego Chargers
See Cowboys, Dallas (wait what?)
12. Tennessee Titans
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
13. Seattle Seahawks
Ok, that was bad, but it's not like they AREN'T gonna win the Superbowl this year, let's face it. Also, the onside kick (I don't care what Pete Carroll says, that wasn't close to a pooch) and the final 4th down weren't bad calls. The real bad call that game was the Rams kicking in OT. But now it's gonna be even longer before people realize what a horrible decision it is to ever kick a field goal on the opening drive of overtime.
14. Philadelphia Eagles
(n)OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Ok, it wasn't actually that bad, but still.
15. Houston Texans
JJ Watt is on pace for 96 tackles for loss this season.
16. Detroit Lions
They just aren't as good as Philip Rivers, I guess.
17. New York Jets
They're pretty loaded, but there's not much that can make up for losing Rex Ryan (except for playing Johnny Manziel). And it's not like their offense was good enough even before that.
18. New England Patriots
Tom Brady actually played his dink and dunk shit pretty well against the Steelers, but the Pats get punished for being such a shitty team last year. Also for Pittsburgh being so fucking bad at defense. And at being a city.
19. Kansas City Chiefs
More like Kansas shitty, am I right? I mean, they made the most out of Brian Hoyer fucking up the first half, and it's not like anybody else can stop that one defensive end on Houston either, but still.
20. Washington Redskins
Nahhhh
21. Atlanta Falcons
Good for them. Hard in one game to make up for how bad the defense was last year though.
22. Carolina Panthers
It's the Jags, dude.
23. Miami Dolphins
Maybe they should Suh that new DT of theirs for not doing SHIT. Against the REDSKINS.
24. Cleveland Browns
Wow, did you think for a moment that Johnny Manziel might actually be able to break out this season? Yeah, me neither.
25. New York Giants
They were sooooo close.
26. Indianapolis Colts
LOLZ
27. Jacksonville Jaguars
See Colts, Indianapolis
28. New Orleans Saints
If only they could play anything resembling defense...
29. Chicago Bears
Ehhh, I don't really blame them, bad last season and a tough passing game to go against week 1. They didn't actually look this bad.
30. Minnesota Vikings
How about a mini soda?
31. Oakland Raiders
32. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Sometimes you just forget that some teams exist...
1. Denver Broncos
Peyton SUUUUCKS. But seriously he had like 4.4 yards per attempt. And unlike EVERY OTHER YEAR EVER, he couldn't get the ball out fast enough to beat the pressure. Which is why the Broncos as a team averaged 3.4 yards per pass play. HOWEVER, they have a legitimately elite defense, and once Evan Mathis gets used to playing with his fellow offensive linemen, their O should be fine.
2. St. Louis Rams
They killed Seattle. That game wasn't as close as it looked. Like usual, they got to Russell Wilson all day (6 sacks), but UNLIKE usual, they had solid (if not spectacular) quarterback play, with Nick Foles averaging 11 yards per attempt with 0 interceptions. Are they actually good? Who the fuck knows, but they deserve everybody's attention right now.
3. Buffalo Bills
Haha more like Andrew SUCK am I right? But seriously, their defense is like, really good. Rex Ryan is fucking good at coaching that side of the ball. And then somehow Tyrod Taylor was good, but I buy that even less than Foles.
4. Cincinnati Bengals
This is what happens when you get to play the Raiders before it's official that they suck. But the Bengals really are a fairly good team. Probably.
5. Arizona Cardinals
Ok, this first week's rankings are heavily skewed toward QBs who had good games. The Cardinals are a legit team, but it's really because of their D. Carson Palmer won't be able to play the Saints every game.
6. San Francisco 49ers
Ok, that spin move by Carlos Hyde was actually fucking legit. But fuck the 49ers.
7. Green Bay Packers
They finna get SMACKED this weekend.
8. Pittsburgh Steelers
Their D sucks, but it's also not their fault that Tom Brady is too much of a BITCH to throw downfield anymore. They also were missing some dudes, and that offense (read: Antonio Brown) is still really good.
9. Dallas Cowboys
Romo is probably the second best quarterback in the NFL. And the best one doesn't really have an offensive line, so give Romo the MVP.
10. Baltimore Ravens
Just like the Ravens of old: Great D, no O. Like NONE. But the Broncos are pretty good, so they get somewhat of a pass.
11. San Diego Chargers
See Cowboys, Dallas (wait what?)
12. Tennessee Titans
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
13. Seattle Seahawks
Ok, that was bad, but it's not like they AREN'T gonna win the Superbowl this year, let's face it. Also, the onside kick (I don't care what Pete Carroll says, that wasn't close to a pooch) and the final 4th down weren't bad calls. The real bad call that game was the Rams kicking in OT. But now it's gonna be even longer before people realize what a horrible decision it is to ever kick a field goal on the opening drive of overtime.
14. Philadelphia Eagles
(n)OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Ok, it wasn't actually that bad, but still.
15. Houston Texans
JJ Watt is on pace for 96 tackles for loss this season.
16. Detroit Lions
They just aren't as good as Philip Rivers, I guess.
17. New York Jets
They're pretty loaded, but there's not much that can make up for losing Rex Ryan (except for playing Johnny Manziel). And it's not like their offense was good enough even before that.
18. New England Patriots
Tom Brady actually played his dink and dunk shit pretty well against the Steelers, but the Pats get punished for being such a shitty team last year. Also for Pittsburgh being so fucking bad at defense. And at being a city.
19. Kansas City Chiefs
More like Kansas shitty, am I right? I mean, they made the most out of Brian Hoyer fucking up the first half, and it's not like anybody else can stop that one defensive end on Houston either, but still.
20. Washington Redskins
Nahhhh
21. Atlanta Falcons
Good for them. Hard in one game to make up for how bad the defense was last year though.
22. Carolina Panthers
It's the Jags, dude.
23. Miami Dolphins
Maybe they should Suh that new DT of theirs for not doing SHIT. Against the REDSKINS.
24. Cleveland Browns
Wow, did you think for a moment that Johnny Manziel might actually be able to break out this season? Yeah, me neither.
25. New York Giants
They were sooooo close.
26. Indianapolis Colts
LOLZ
27. Jacksonville Jaguars
See Colts, Indianapolis
28. New Orleans Saints
If only they could play anything resembling defense...
29. Chicago Bears
Ehhh, I don't really blame them, bad last season and a tough passing game to go against week 1. They didn't actually look this bad.
30. Minnesota Vikings
How about a mini soda?
31. Oakland Raiders
32. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Sometimes you just forget that some teams exist...
Sunday, February 1, 2015
Superbowl Preview Part 2
Let's actually get into some details now. The Seahawks offense is one of the best in the league despite their scoring totals because they run. A lot. And really well. And that's not gonna manifest itself on the scoreboard because a lot of (successful) running means long drives and few drives. And that's what's going to happen in the Superbowl. The Seahawks are going to run. And then they're gonna run some more. Because that's what they've been doing all season. And by all season I mean the past few seasons with the exception of Percy Harvin's healthy games.
And it's gonna work. The Patriots are probably the only team in the NFL that Bevell's play-calling is good against. But against a team that's that good against the pass and that bad at stopping consistent gains on the ground, it actually might be the right strategy. And that's going to be the difference between the reality and the predictions. The Seahawks' offense, which is rarely given credit for being the borderline top 5 unit that it is, will be able to prove its worth in the Superbowl. Enough so that it will take an incredible effort on the other side of the ball for the Patriots to stay in the game.
But on that side of the ball, things are less clear. The Patriots throw a lot of short passes, and the Seahawks aren't particularly good at stopping those, even with a healthy secondary. And I for one have no clue how much the injuries to Sherman, Thomas, and Chancellor are going to affect them. But it might not matter much. Because the Patriots won't test them very much. They'll just keep throwing underneath. Now, the Patriots strategy of throwing underneath seems like this consistent way to score every drive, especially considering the point totals New England put up this year. But really, Tom Brady only completed 64% of his passes. Reasonable, but nothing special. It puts him 14th in the league. Which isn't that great considering how short the throws are. He's 21st in yards per attempt. The truth of the matter is that the Patriots aren't actually the machine we think of them as, with the unstoppable Tom Brady methodically moving down the field gaining 10 yards every play.
They're just an offense that calls the right plays (like passes on 2nd and long) and doesn't have bad ones (like sacks). What beats them is a dominant pass rush. Coverage doesn't matter because they get open with scheme (and size, in the case of Gronk). This is what differentiates them from the rest of the league. If you don't get to Brady, the Patriots will keep putting him in good situations until he beats you.
And I don't know how much the Seahawks pass rush is going to find. This is the biggest difference between last year's Seahawks and this year's. They just aren't getting as much pressure with the front 4. But the Pats' line has weaknesses. And the Seahawks are just going to need to put Michael Bennett in places where he can exploit those weaknesses. Which is easier said than done.
Overall though, there's a lot more question about how consistently the Patriots offense will be able to move the ball in this game. This could be a game where there aren't too many drives, since the Seahawks will take a long time on each of theirs. And fewer drives means more chance for a couple lucky plays to swing the game. This game could be low scoring despite the dominance of Seattle's offense, opening the door for a lucky break to bring the Patriots right back into the mix. Or it could end up like the Seahawks-Giants game this season, where the Seahawks run the ball 45 times for 350 yards and completely pull away. I'll put my pick in the middle of these extremes:
Seahawks 27, Patriots 17
And it's gonna work. The Patriots are probably the only team in the NFL that Bevell's play-calling is good against. But against a team that's that good against the pass and that bad at stopping consistent gains on the ground, it actually might be the right strategy. And that's going to be the difference between the reality and the predictions. The Seahawks' offense, which is rarely given credit for being the borderline top 5 unit that it is, will be able to prove its worth in the Superbowl. Enough so that it will take an incredible effort on the other side of the ball for the Patriots to stay in the game.
But on that side of the ball, things are less clear. The Patriots throw a lot of short passes, and the Seahawks aren't particularly good at stopping those, even with a healthy secondary. And I for one have no clue how much the injuries to Sherman, Thomas, and Chancellor are going to affect them. But it might not matter much. Because the Patriots won't test them very much. They'll just keep throwing underneath. Now, the Patriots strategy of throwing underneath seems like this consistent way to score every drive, especially considering the point totals New England put up this year. But really, Tom Brady only completed 64% of his passes. Reasonable, but nothing special. It puts him 14th in the league. Which isn't that great considering how short the throws are. He's 21st in yards per attempt. The truth of the matter is that the Patriots aren't actually the machine we think of them as, with the unstoppable Tom Brady methodically moving down the field gaining 10 yards every play.
They're just an offense that calls the right plays (like passes on 2nd and long) and doesn't have bad ones (like sacks). What beats them is a dominant pass rush. Coverage doesn't matter because they get open with scheme (and size, in the case of Gronk). This is what differentiates them from the rest of the league. If you don't get to Brady, the Patriots will keep putting him in good situations until he beats you.
And I don't know how much the Seahawks pass rush is going to find. This is the biggest difference between last year's Seahawks and this year's. They just aren't getting as much pressure with the front 4. But the Pats' line has weaknesses. And the Seahawks are just going to need to put Michael Bennett in places where he can exploit those weaknesses. Which is easier said than done.
Overall though, there's a lot more question about how consistently the Patriots offense will be able to move the ball in this game. This could be a game where there aren't too many drives, since the Seahawks will take a long time on each of theirs. And fewer drives means more chance for a couple lucky plays to swing the game. This game could be low scoring despite the dominance of Seattle's offense, opening the door for a lucky break to bring the Patriots right back into the mix. Or it could end up like the Seahawks-Giants game this season, where the Seahawks run the ball 45 times for 350 yards and completely pull away. I'll put my pick in the middle of these extremes:
Seahawks 27, Patriots 17
Wednesday, January 28, 2015
Superbowl Preview
I haven't posted on here in a while, so I figure I might as well come back for the Super Bowl. Because it's an easy one. Here's all you need to know: The Seahawks have a significantly better offense than the Patriots. Yes, I said offense. In fact, it isn't close. The difference between the Seahawks' offense and Patriots' offense is bigger than the difference between the Patriots' offense and that of the Browns or Titans. Would you give the Titans a shot against the Patriots? No? Good. So why the fuck are we giving the Patriots a shot in this game? They're going up against the devil himself. They won't come within 73 points.
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