1. Seattle Seahawks
Back where they belong. Let's face it, this is the only team we should actually have any confidence in. Literally every other team might just completely suck.
2. Arizona Cardinals
Give credit to their defense. Like, a lot of credit. It's top 5 in the league.
3. Atlanta Falcons
Solid game on Sunday. They avoided being dominated by the NFL's best team, which counts for a lot.
4. Carolina Panthers
It seems like they're falling apart, but they're still probably a good team. And by probably I mean definitely. They definitely weren't that great last year, and they definitely aren't that bad this year.
5. Denver Broncos
Now they're looking like they did last year, at least on offense. But the defense might be falling off. Still the best in the league though. By a lot.
6. Dallas Cowboys
Time to give credit where credit is due. They can roll over people. That line is great, and the rookies look solid as fuck.
7. New England Patriots
I'm probably more confident that these guys are good than any team outside of Seattle, but it's not like their defense is anything other than average. And two games don't prove a ton on the other side of the ball.
8. Minnesota Vikings
Bye. But what I've said before stands. The defense may be really good, but the offense is bad. Like, Denver bad. I'm not scared of this team. Though it does seem like they'll cruise to the division title.
9. Buffalo Bills
They might be good. I'm not totally convinced, but they do have the best scoring margin in the league.
10. Pittsburgh Steelers
They'll probably be fine, but they've been inconsistent enough that without Fuckfuckfuckfuck they could lose to anybody. Too bad they're playing the Pats and not the Browns.
11. Kansas City Chiefs
Solid win against Oakland, the defense is really solid, and the offense is really mediocre. So they've taken a step back on both sides of the ball. But it's not that bad.
12. Cincinnati Bengals
The defense has fallen off, and they've been rolled two weeks in a row now. Actually, it wasn't that bad for most of the game on Sunday. But it got bad.
13. Tennessee Titans
My model thinks they're slightly above average on both sides of the ball. Which should give them a pretty clear path to the playoffs in the worst division in the NFL.
14. New York Giants
We can now be confident that they've improved a ton since last year. That's how bad they were.
15. Philadelphia Eagles
See York Giants, New.
16. Washington Redskins
They can BALL. On offense. Josh Norman isn't enough to prevent them from being 27th on D.
17. Green Bay Packers
It's been a year. DONE DONE DONE DONE DONE.
18. Chicago Bears
Hoyer is good*. They can move the ball.
*seems better than Jay Cutler at throwing to an elite corps of receivers
19. Baltimore Ravens
See Bears, Chicago. Specifically the second sentence. It's not true for Baltimore. The defense is pretty good though.
20. Miami Dolphins
Fuckfuckfuckfuck it.
21. Jacksonville Jaguars
They kept a pretty good Bears offense in check. Shoulda put up more points though, it's the fucking Bears.
22. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Ehhh.
23. Houston Texans
Ehhh. They can play some defense even without JJ. If I were them, I'd just let him play quarterback. As we've seen higher up on this list, playing for Wisconsin means that injuries don't matter.
24. San Diego Chargers
My model is definitively not impressed by their win against Denver.
25. New York Jets
And even less impressed by the Jets' loss against Arizona (yes, it was as bad as it looked).
26. Los Angeles Rams
They went from a complete inability to pass to throwing their 3rd TD before their 3rd incompletion. Weird. I'm just gonna go with this team being inconsistent as fuck.
27. New Orleans Saints
It's much less surprising that the Saints are so inconsistent. That's just what happens when you have an elite offense and no D.
28. Oakland Raiders
They weren't good when they were 4-1, and they aren't good after getting beat down against Kansas City.
29. Detroit Lions
See Chargers, San Diego.
30. Cleveland Browns
31. San Francisco 49ers
32. Indianapolis Colts
They've been the worst for a while. Don't expect that to change.
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