For the first time ever, my top 2 teams are the same as ESPN's. Weird.
1. Denver Broncos
Still the best defense, and now the offense isn't the worst in the league. Like 10th worst. That's a gigantic improvement.
2. Seattle Seahawks
Second best defense, and 10th best offense. That's how good Denver's D is. It's fucking ridiculous. Then again, the difference between 1st and 2nd in these rankings is 30 times bigger the difference between 2nd and 3rd, so it's not that ridiculous.
3. Arizona Cardinals
Not actually that bad.
4. Carolina Panthers
See Cardinals, Arizona
5. Cincinnati Bengals
Teams 3-5 are all between 6th and 9th in both offense and defense. That's pretty amazing.
6. Atlanta Falcons
The offense, or maybe just Julio Jones (we need some JJ to be the best player in the league), is really really good. The defense, not so much.
7. Pittsburgh Steelers
I don't get it. Well, I get it if you ignore the Eagles' game. Or if you assume the Eagles are the best team ever. Which I don't. Because they aren't. I mean, come on, it's the fucking Eagles.
8. Philadelphia Eagles
Oh, hey there.
9. New England Patriots
I expect them to move up a spot with Brady back. That's a spot. One.
10. Buffalo Bills
Solid performance, you now have, according to my model, the 13th best defense in the NFL.
11. Baltimore Ravens
They're getting attention for hannenin to be 3-1, but I'm more interested in this defense they have out in Baltimore. It's low-key really good. The offense sucks though. Ignore the score of their last game. Everybody scores on the Raiders, who have a decent offense themselves. And more importantly, the score was just inflated. The Ravens are a really poor man's 2015 Broncos.
12. Kansas City Chiefs
They might just be bad this year. My model still weights last season pretty heavily, and they were really good last season. This year hasn't looked that promising. Like, at all. They're like the anti-Eagles.
13. Minnesota Vikings
You'd think the Eagles-effect might be in play for the 4-0 Vikings, but it's not. My model thinks they were decent last year, and that's all they are this year, too.
14. New York Giants
The Giants, on the other hand, were really bad last season. They've been a lot better.
15. Dallas Cowboys
See York Giants, New.
16. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
The Broncos make everybody look bad.
17. Green Bay Packers
The Packers make themselves look bad. Slightly less so when they're on a bye.
18. New York Jets
See City Chiefs, Kansas.
19. Houston Texans
Too soon. Just let me be.
20. Chicago Bears
You might think that this season is a disaster for the Bears, only slightly mitigated by a close win against a downtrodden Lions team. Not so. They've actually been completely OK this year. Like league average ok. Like better than the Packers ok. Like maybe good enough to make the playoffs in that division ok.
Ok, I might be pushing it. But my model does think they've been better than Green Bay this year. And my model is like, really good.
21. Miami Dolphins
There's a difference between ok and mediocre. 1186 miles.
22. Tennessee Titans
Make that 815. The Titans are ok too.
23. Oakland Raiders
I'm lower on the Raiders than pretty much anyone. Their offense is legitimately good, but it's not great, and definitely not great enough to make up, in the long run, for one of the worst defenses in the NFL.
24. Jacksonville Jaguars
Anybody can beat the Colts.
25. Washington Redskins
See Jaguars, Jacksonville, and replace Colts with Browns.
26. Cleveland Browns
There seems to be this perception in the media that the Browns are one of the worst teams in the league. And they're not great. But they're not actually that bad either, especially on offense. Cody Kessler is the real deal, straight up. #BELIEVELAND
27. Los Angeles Rams
They've beaten the 2nd and 3rd teams in my rankings and lost 28-0 against number 32. I completely defend my rankings, this is just dumb luck. Like really dumb, fuck the Rams.
28. Detroit Lions
They have a bad defense, but losing Calvin hasn't actually hurt them too much.
29. San Diego Chargers
30. New Orleans Saints
That game looked like the fucking pro bowl. Which makes sense, since both these teams are loaded with stars (well, at quarterback) whose play has absolutely no effect whatsoever on the playoffs.
31. Indianapolis Colts
It's not Andrew Luck's fault. If everybody on the team were as good as him, they'd be, like, 5 spots higher.
32. San Francisco 49ers
They were the worst team last year, and they're the worst team this year. As much as I fucking hate the dude, we need to give more credit to how fucking amazing a coach Jim Harbaugh is.
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