Here we go: old school
1. Cincinnati Bengals
Still number one after demolishing the Titans. Although it wasn't quite as dominant as the score showed. They lost (holy) ground on our number 2 team.
2. Seattle Seahawks
But let's face it, we know who's going to win the Superbowl this year. And the next 15. The Broncos we're lucky to play them as close as they did. Speaking of which...
3. Detroit Lions
You may think I'm Lion, but the Broncos don't crack the top 3. This team looks really good on offense AND defense. They won by double digits despite having two more turnovers than the Packers. They're just good. And it's week 3 already, we can start trusting these rankings at least a little bit.
4. Denver Broncos
Peyton Manning is god. Sorry good. Nah, god is probably closer. Their defense is good. Like, slightly better than average. It held Russell "best passer rating in the league" Wilson under the 100 mark for the first time this season (99.9, to be more precise). Couldn't do the same to Jermaine Kearse though. Couldn't even hold him under a 100 QBR! This is probably the first (and last) time I'll reference QBR. And that song I just linked to. Well not the first. But the last. Shit. Maybe that's just like when I mentioned QBR in my sentence about not referencing QBR. It doesn't count. At least it'd better not. But anyway, my next link will make up for it.
5. San Diego Chargers
Their offense is AMAZING. And by their offense, I mean quarterback. (Because let's face it, here's how much I care about rushing. Enough to make it count equally to passing in my algorithm. Except that doesn't really happen, because the numbers are all so much lower than passing numbers. And I use exponents >1.) Rivers had one of the best games of any quarterback this season against the Bills. He put up Russell Wilson numbers. As in he went 18/25 for 2 TDs (In case you missed it, that was RW's line in the Superbowl.).
6. Arizona Cardinals
Before I go on, I want to point out that FOUR of the 6 best teams in the league have a bye this week. Which is ridiculous. I mean, it's not like they were trying to do it. But back to the Cardinals. They shat on the 49ers. They have one of the best defenses in the league. Again. It's not like they weren't amazing last year. You just didn't notice. Oh wait you did. Because you read my blog last year.
7. Philadelphia Eagles
That was a fun game.
8. New York Jets
I don't care about winning, remember? That's why the Jets are 21 spots ahead of the Bears. They played better. And got unlucky.
9. San Francisco 49ers. They're worse this year. Maybe bad enough to miss the playoffs in a division with the Seahawks and Cardinals. But it's not like they're actually a bad team.
10. Washington Redskins
See Eagles, Philadelphia
11. New Orleans Saints
They won! And looked pretty good doing it. It's going to be a dogfight between them and the number twelve team for the NFC South.
12. Atlanta Falcons
This is the team that gets punished for last year way too much. Or maybe just the right amount. I really don't know. But I do know that they're ranked 2nd just based on 2014 (to the team they lost to. And right ahead of the defending champions). I might decrease the weight of 2013 next week. To one and a half games or so. I'll let you know then. Anyway, that win was impressive as shit. Did the Seahawks beat the Bucs by 42 last year? It's good to win by fewer points, right? That's why Andrew Luck is the best young quarterback in the NFL. Except for this week. But actually, he - never mind, I'll get to that later.
13. Pittsburgh Steelers
They ran the ball really well. REALLY WELL. Against one of the best front 7s in the league. 264 yards well.
14. Tennessee Titans
Cincinnati is good, and the loss wasn't nearly as bad as it looked. They'll be just fine cruising to a division title.
15. Green Bay Packers
They've played 3 top 10 teams. And 2 top 3 teams. And have been destroyed. Let's see if they'll be able to keep using the strength of schedule excuse.
16. Buffalo Bills
Didn't look quite so good this week. But maybe Rivers is just that good. Maybe the Bills are just a poor man's Seahawks. And by poor, I mean homeless as shit. Like the guy responsible for the Browns drafting Johnny Manziel.
17. Carolina Panthers
I don't know what to make of this team. Are they actually that bad? Was the Pittsburgh game just a fluke? Welll, the answer is always a little of both. They're probably just average.
18. New England Patriots
They won! At home! Against the Raiders! On a penalty at the end of the game! They're gonna win the Superbowl now! Surrrrrrrre, Tannerrrrrrr.
19. Miami Dolphins
I don't know what happened. Like, no fucking clue. Next.
20. Baltimore Ravens
See Patriots, New England. And adjust as necessary. The biggest difference is probably that it hasn't been a decade since the Ravens won the Superbowl.
21. Houston Texans
JJ Watt. Everybody else. JJ Watt. Everybody else. JJ Watt. Yeah, the Texans are 21, he's not that good. And by not that good, I mean he's by far* the best player of all time. He's just not a quarterback. Specifically, he's not Peyton Manning.
*He could get there. Fo realz.
22. Cleveland Browns
Lucky Cleveland. The Browns get to be 22. Maybe they can forget about their homeless problem for a short while.
23. New York Giants
See, it isn't so bad, you can win every once in a while when you Luck into 3 interceptions.
24. Indianapolis Colts
Speaking of which... Ok, now back to that Andrew Luck conversation. He gets hyped and hyped after all these wins where he plays like shit and eeks out a lucky win. And then when he ACTUALLY HAS A GREAT GAME FOR THE FIRST TIME IN HIS CAREER, nobody seems to notice/care. He deserves this one. Don't give him the others, but god dammit, give him this one.
25. Minnesota Vikings
TEDDY'S PLAYING!!! AND HE'S STARTING FOR THE REST OF THE SEASON!!! WATCH OUT NFL. I mean, they'll probably give up a fortyburger to the Falcons this week, but they STILL better watch out.
26. Dallas Cowboys
Romo is just really good. This has been true for almost a decade now. The media is really bad at judging quarterbacks. This has been true for even longer (see Elway, John). Oh, the Cowboys still suck though.
27. Oakland Raiders
Here come the really bad teams. The ones I don't want to talk about.
28. Kansas City Chiefs
They won, big whoop, I'm not convinced.
29. Chicago Bears
SHOCKER! They've lucked into their two wins. The defense is still completely awful.
30. St. Louis Rams
I want to talk about them. Well, not the team. Just Austin Davis. I'd never heard of the guy. I don't watch tape on quarterbacks who aren't supposed to be drafted. I don't even know if they have that tape on youtube. But I believe in Austin Davis. Already. This is the next great quarterback in our league. You don't see young guys jump in and play this well. And by "this well" I mean a completion percentage over 70. With 100 attempts. So it's not THAT flukey. You DON'T see this. At least not on a bad team like the Rams.
31. Jacksonville Jaguars
See Rams, St. Louis. And change some stuff. I know it was just one game, and I know there were a couple picks, but Blake Bortles is the next Austin Davis. He is, as I described JJ Watt's greatest-ever campaign, fo realz. Much smaller sample size. But I think we have an amazing wave of new quarterbacks starting to play here. Bridgewater, Davis, and Bortles will be the faces of the NFL in 10 years. Because Russell Wilson will have ascended to heaven by then. Or something like that. Everyone will get bored with the Seahawks winning the Superbowl every year.
32. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
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