Tuesday, October 8, 2013

NFL Power Rankings Week 5

1. Denver Broncos

The first time they were tested all season. The defense looked like it could really use some help. That help being Von Miller. The Broncos are still worlds better than any other team in football (and JJ Watt is the best football player in all those worlds. Too bad he doesn't play quarterback).

2. Green Bay Packers

Moving up in the world. The offense has been great all season, but this week the defense stepped up. Hence the step up in the rankings.

3. Philadelphia Eagles

I'm going to say this almost as much as I say that JJ Watt is the best player in the world: I believe in Chip Kelly. This team kinda feels like last year's Redskins. At any moment they could just stop losing (until something catastrophic happens: probably against the Seahawks).

4. Seattle Seahawks

Well they finally lost, but unlike the Patriots, they actually played well and had a lot of breaks go the Colts way. Not well enough to keep their spot safe from the suddenly not-awful Packers defense, but they were definitely still the better team on Sunday.

5. New York Jets

They're good. I wouldn't be that surprised to see them take the AFC East, especially given the Patriots inability to score any touchdowns (which is weird, because just hearing about struggling to score makes me think of the Jets).

6. San Francisco 49ers

Don't worry, they were never that bad. Just a little hiccup. And a not-so-great quarterback. And an amazing defense.

7.  Houston Texans

Don't worry, they aren't that bad. Just a little hiccup. And a not-so-great quarterback. And an amazing defense.

8. San Diego Chargers

Don't worry, they aren't that bad. Just a little hiccup. And a not-so-great defense. And an amazing quarterback.

9. Cincinnati Bengals

SEE-YA Patriots offense! The Bengals just did to the Patriots what the Browns did to the Bengals...

10. Cleveland Browns

Perhaps the defense in the NFL. For real. And every once in while, they can score, too.

11. New York Giants

The unluckiest team in the NFL so far. Yet they're closer to the division lead than the Falcons. Funny how it all works out. Well, not really funny, but you know what I mean. Or maybe you don't.

12. Tennessee Titans

Jake Locker. That defense. Nah, never mind. Ryan Fitzpatrick. Mediocrity. They looked about as good as the Chiefs (who are the luckiest team in the NFL. And who have worse odds to win the division than the Redskins) on Sunday. Which is a very bad thing.

13. Dallas Cowboys

Tony Romo just had one of the best games in NFL history. He has carried an awful team to a division lead (a REALLY awful team. and a REALLY unimpressive division lead). For that team to be able to play with one of the best teams in the history of the NFL is a miracle. Or should I say, a miROMOcle. No, I probably shouldn't.

14. Carolina Panthers

They still have a good D and run game. And Cam isn't bad either. They just need to give him a little better protection. Fine, a LOT better protection. 7 sacks isn't ok.

15. Baltimore Ravens

I don't know what to think of this team. Last year, it seemed, especially in the playoffs, that they had become an offensive football team. Now their offense sucks, and it's their defense that's carrying them. We'll see how it turns out. But right now, they're just another middle of the pack team.

16. Pittsburg Steelers

They've been mediocre, don't get me wrong, but this football team isn't 0-5 bad. I mean, they're better than the 5-0 chiefs. And Saints. I don't see them in the running for a top pick. Other teams will fall faster than them.

17. Indianapolis Colts

They won, but it took a blocked field goal return for a touchdown, a bad pass interference call on seemingly every drive, and a whole lot of other flukey plays to do it. On the other hand, they did make Russell Wilson look pretty bad throwing the ball. Running? Different story. That run defense is really bad. They allowed two 100 yard rushers on Sunday (RW was one of them).

18. Oakland Raiders

I don't know why they don't suck. How a team of backups can be reasonably mediocre. I guess it's just Pryor being way better than Gabbert. That's a running quarterback who just went 18 for 23. I'm impressed.

19. Minnesota Vikings

I was in Minnesota, but I missed them. It's almost as if they didn't play. I really want to see Cassel again.

20. Chicago Bears

Cutler played so well. They were so much better than the Saints on Sunday. Even the defense looked good. I don't care about the loss, this was their best game all season.

21. Buffalo Bills

Mediocre offense, mediocre defense, 2-3. Sounds about right. They can run the ball though. And sometimes pass it when EJ is healthy.

22. Kansas City Chiefs

Their offense is bad, their defense is ok, but they just keep winning. That's just the luck of football though. They'll regress.

23. New England Patriots

More like New England Tom Brady Sucks, am I right? That offense is atrocious. Their D is pretty good though. Although it's just not the same without Wilfork.

24. Washington Redskins

Their offense really isn't bad, although it could be so much better with a healthier Robert. It couldn't do anything on Sunday. Mainly because they weren't playing. But still.

25. Tampa Bay Buccaneers

You know, sometimes your offense just isn't good enough. Top 10 D though. Maybe something good will happen for them.

26. New Orleans Saints

They were awful against the Bears. Sometimes points don't tell the whole story, and this year, for the Saints defense, they don't. It's still bad. Really bad. Not historically bad like last year, but one of the worst in the league. I still consider the Chiefs luckier to be 5-0, just because it's easier to beat better teams with a good offense (which the Saints do have), but the Saints are pretty lucky too. I'm not even convinced they'll beat out the Panthers in the division.

27. Detroit Lions

They got destroyed on Sunday. The score didn't tell the whole story. They didn't belong on the same field as the Packers.

28. Arizona Cardinals

7 sacks is impressive, but it might have just been a fluke. They only had 7 all season going into the game. And that offense really isn't good.

29. Miami Dolphins

I don't know why I should talk about this team. I'm going to stop. Maybe for a while.

30. Atlanta Falcons

The defense is really, really, really bad. Julio Jones could be done for the season. Without him their offense could still be good, but not even top 10. And this looks like a team that's going to need to score a lot of points to keep pace with whoever gets to play their defense.

31. Jacksonville Jaguars

They turned the ball over a few times, and that was what cost them. But for the most part, they actually outplayed the Rams. That doesn't prevent them from 0-16 though.

32. St. Louis Rams

The Rams have one of the worst offenses and defenses in the league. They should not be 2-3. They might end up 3-13 if they're lucky. Which they have been so far.

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