2016 NFL Power Rankings Week 17

1. New England Patriots

2. Dallas Cowboys

3. Atlanta Falcons

4. Seattle Seahawks

5. Pittsburgh Steelers

6. Arizona Cardinals

7. Kansas City Chiefs

8. Washington Redskins

9. Denver Broncos

10. New York Giants

11. Carolina Panthers

12. Cincinnati Bengals

13. Green Bay Packers

14. Tennessee Titans

15. Minnesota Vikings

16. New Orleans Saints

17. Buffalo Bills

18. Baltimore Ravens

19. Chicago Bears

20. San Diego Chargers

21. Tampa Bay Buccaneers

22. Philadelphia Eagles

23. New York Jets

24. Miami Dolphins

25. Houston Texans

26. Oakland Raiders

27. Jacksonville Jaguars

28. Detroit Lions

29. Indianapolis Colts

30. Los Angeles Rams

31. San Francisco 49ers

32. Cleveland Browns

2016 NFL Power Rankings Week 16

I'm back. It's just like I was here the whole time. Now to the rankings you probably haven't (but definitely should have) been desperately awaiting.

1. Dallas Cowboys

They've been the best. Period. The gap is getting wider. Number two offense in the league, and the D isn't a shitshow. But they'd have been 7th last year. SEVENTH. There just aren't elite teams this year.

2. New England Patriots

Another solid team that's done well in a league with too much parity.

3. Pittsburgh Steelers

How the fuck did the Steelers make it up here? Oh right, nobody else is good.

4. Atlanta Falcons

Matt Ryan for MVP. Hands the fuck down.

5. Seattle Seahawks

Here's a team that's having an everything-falling-apart season, and they're still top 10 in offense and defense with a decent chance to win it all.

6. Arizona Cardinals

Everything has already fallen apart for the Cards. Just out of bad luck, this team is still loaded. Yet another factor in the league's condensing.

7. Kansas City Chiefs

This team looks good. And they really are solid. But good? Like last year good? Ehhh.

8. Washington Redskins

These guys have taken a step forward and low key have one of the best offenses in the league. Better than the Patriots' and Saints'.

9. Carolina Panthers

Huge step backwards, but they haven't been that bad. More just regression to the mean and a little bad luck.

10. New York Giants

Kinda like the Skins. Low key amazing defense.

11. Denver Broncos

Better defense (the only one). But yeah, of course, it's the fucking Broncos. They were bottom 5 in offense last year too. That's the difference between being an average best-in-the-league unit and being an all-time-great one.

12. Cincinnati Bengals

Mediocre.

13. Green Bay Packers

See Bengals, Cincinnati.

14. Buffalo Bills

See Packers, Green Bay.

15. New Orleans Saints

Kinda like the anti-Broncos. Both in the offense/defense split and in the all-time to all-NFL defensive transition from last year to this one that brings the overall team from the extremes to around league average.

16. Baltimore Ravens

A worse version of the Broncos.

17. Minnesota Vikings

A worse version of the Ravens.

18. Tennessee Titans

Hey, they're better than last year.

19. San Diego Chargers

Lol they lost to the Browns. But also, see Titans, Tennessee.

20. Chicago Bears

See Bills, Buffalo.

21. Tampa Bay Buccaneers

See Bears, Chicago.

22. Miami Dolphins

Ok I'm done. All these teams are the fucking same.

23. Oakland Raiders

24. Houston Texans

Except the Texans, they've managed to improve on defense without the greatest player of all time.

25. Philadelphia Eagles

DVOA likes these guys. Like top 5. Weird. It's all special teams. But actually.

26. New York Jets

27. Jacksonville Jaguars

28. Detroit Lions

29. Indianapolis Colts

30. Los Angeles Rams

31. San Francisco 49ers

32. Cleveland Browns

Power Rankings Delay

This has nothing to do with the election. This is entirely due to pro football reference not being able to keep their shit straight. I'll get the rankings up once they fix their play-by-play bugs. I thought I'd be able to just leave out the game where they messed up their yard line labelling, but now it's showed up in the majority of games I've looked at.

I'll give you an update as soon as we know more about how much pfr gives a fuck about fixing their shit.

2016 NFL Power Rankings Week 8

1. Seattle Seahawks

Back on top after dominating the Saints. Had some bad luck that cost them the win, but with clear first in the division, as well as clear first in just being better than everybody else (they lead by the biggest margin of the season), this is the Superbowl favorite.

2. Arizona Cardinals

They slip a bit, but it really wasn't as bad as the score showed at certain points in that game.

3. New England Patriots

Inching up... On a Tuesday. Best in the AFC despite playing half their games without Brady. I'd put some money on them representing the lesser conference in the Superbowl if it weren't for everybody else also putting money on them.

4. Atlanta Falcons

Still great on offense, but you just gave up a lot of TDs to a pretty bad quarterback.

5. Denver Broncos

See Falcons, Atlanta, and switch O and D. 

6. Dallas Cowboys

They're pretty good.

7. Carolina Panthers

See Boys, Dallas Cow

8. Cincinnati Bengals

9. Washington Redskins

High scoring ties aren't supposed to hannen. But both these teams do have very similar profiles (5th and 23rd vs 3rd and 27th on O and D).

10. Kansas City Chiefs

It would be more impressive if the Colts didn't suck.

11. New York Giants

12. Buffalo Bills

It wasn't that bad. The Pats are pretty good. As in, most years the media thinks the Pats are really good, but this is the first year they've been right in a long time. Though they're still a tier off. And if you're wondering why I'm talking about the Patriots here, I have one question for you: Would you rather I talk about the fucking Bills?

13. Tennessee Titans

They deserve some credit. Dominating like they did is hard, even if you're playing the Jags.

14. Philadelphia Eagles

We're starting to be able to sort out the Eagles finally. They're a slightly above average team being carried by a surprisingly good, though not elite, defense.

15. Miami Dolphins

16. Chicago Bears

17. Minnesota Vikings

What more can I say. The Vikings can't play offense, and the Bears aren't that bad. Go Bears.

18. Pittsburgh Steelers

19. Green Bay Packers

Yuck.

20. San Diego Chargers

21. New York Jets

22. Tampa Bay Buccaneers

23. Jacksonville Jaguars

24. Baltimore Ravens

25. New Orleans Saints

26. Oakland Raiders

27. Houston Texans

28. Los Angeles Rams

29. Detroit Lions

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I'm leaving a gap here because there's a big gap here.

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30. Cleveland Browns

31. Indianapolis Colts

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Yeah, that's how bad the 49ers are.

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32. San Francisco 49ers

2016 NFL Power Rankings Week 7

1. Arizona Cardinals
2. Seattle Seahawks

When you're number one and you play number two, you gotta win to keep your spot. Or something like that.

3. Denver Broncos

Dominant game. The defense is as great as ever. Just kidding, it's a LOT worse than last year. So like, still the best in the league.

4. New England Patriots

Moving up. ON A TUESDAY

5. Atlanta Falcons

Offense still looks good, just a few fuckups.

6. Carolina Panthers

Watch out. This is still a good team. Like, about as good as last year.

7. Dallas Cowboys

8. Cincinnati Bengals

9. Minnesota Vikings

See Vikings, Minnesota. Pick a week. That offense has never been good, the amazing defense was just able to hide it for a few games to start the season.

10. Philadelphia Eagles

Way to expose the Vikings' offense. Well, expose it to anyone who wasn't looking that hard at how bad it was before.

11. Buffalo Bills

Steamrolled. But they still have one of the top scoring margins in the NFL.

12. New York Giants

Well, let's just say they were good enough.

13. Tampa Bay Buccaneers

Solid teams know how to blow out bad teams. Then again, when your opponent is as bad as the 49ers, it makes it seem like every team is solid.

14. Miami Dolphins

That dude runs.

15. Green Bay Packers

They suck. They just lucked into Matt Barkley on Thursday.

16. Kansas City Chiefs

They better hope that this season is like last and they catch fire in the second half, because last season is the only thing keeping them in the top half of the league. Beating the Saints doesn't mean much.

17. Washington Redskins

The anti-Vikings.

18. Pittsburgh Steelers

Whoa, that's really low, you might say. Well fuck the Steelers.

19. Tennessee Titans

They actually looked pretty good for a while. Like, to start the season, not this game. You can't get outplayed by the fucking Colts. The Colts are fucking bad.

20. San Diego Chargers

Good win versus a good team.

21. Chicago Bears

I still want to believe. I still kinda do believe that this team would actually be good (like, top 10 good) without all the injury issues.

22. Jacksonville Jaguars

The Raiders aren't good, man, what are you doing???? Then again, it's not like the Jags are good either.

23. New York Jets

Lol.

24. New Orleans Saints

Pretty similar to the Redskins, actually. Just a little worse.

25. Baltimore Ravens

Early on, it was a bad offense carried by a great defense. Now, it's a good defense getting dragged down by a horrendous offense.

26. Houston Texans

Not impressed. They can't play offense, and they don't have JJ Watt on defense.

27. Los Angeles Rams

Goff time?

28. Oakland Raiders

Congrats, you beat the Jags. Now play some defense against someone who doesn't suck.

29. Detroit Lions

Ehhh.

30. Indianapolis Colts

Good game on their part. Well, not actually that good, just a lot better than the rest of their games.

31. Cleveland Browns

I belivelanded. But I'm losing hope.

32. San Francisco 49ers

Holy FUCK this team is bad.

2016 NFL Power Rankings Week 6

1. Seattle Seahawks

Back where they belong. Let's face it, this is the only team we should actually have any confidence in. Literally every other team might just completely suck.

2. Arizona Cardinals

Give credit to their defense. Like, a lot of credit. It's top 5 in the league.

3. Atlanta Falcons

Solid game on Sunday. They avoided being dominated by the NFL's best team, which counts for a lot.

4. Carolina Panthers

It seems like they're falling apart, but they're still probably a good team. And by probably I mean definitely. They definitely weren't that great last year, and they definitely aren't that bad this year.

5. Denver Broncos

Now they're looking like they did last year, at least on offense. But the defense might be falling off. Still the best in the league though. By a lot.

6. Dallas Cowboys

Time to give credit where credit is due. They can roll over people. That line is great, and the rookies look solid as fuck.

7. New England Patriots

I'm probably more confident that these guys are good than any team outside of Seattle, but it's not like their defense is anything other than average. And two games don't prove a ton on the other side of the ball.

8. Minnesota Vikings

Bye. But what I've said before stands. The defense may be really good, but the offense is bad. Like, Denver bad. I'm not scared of this team. Though it does seem like they'll cruise to the division title.

9. Buffalo Bills

They might be good. I'm not totally convinced, but they do have the best scoring margin in the league.

10. Pittsburgh Steelers

They'll probably be fine, but they've been inconsistent enough that without Fuckfuckfuckfuck they could lose to anybody. Too bad they're playing the Pats and not the Browns.

11. Kansas City Chiefs

Solid win against Oakland, the defense is really solid, and the offense is really mediocre. So they've taken a step back on both sides of the ball. But it's not that bad.

12. Cincinnati Bengals

The defense has fallen off, and they've been rolled two weeks in a row now. Actually, it wasn't that bad for most of the game on Sunday. But it got bad.

13. Tennessee Titans

My model thinks they're slightly above average on both sides of the ball. Which should give them a pretty clear path to the playoffs in the worst division in the NFL.

14. New York Giants

We can now be confident that they've improved a ton since last year. That's how bad they were.

15. Philadelphia Eagles

See York Giants, New.

16. Washington Redskins

They can BALL. On offense. Josh Norman isn't enough to prevent them from being 27th on D.

17. Green Bay Packers

It's been a year. DONE DONE DONE DONE DONE.

18. Chicago Bears

Hoyer is good*. They can move the ball.

*seems better than Jay Cutler at throwing to an elite corps of receivers

19. Baltimore Ravens

See Bears, Chicago. Specifically the second sentence. It's not true for Baltimore. The defense is pretty good though.

20. Miami Dolphins

Fuckfuckfuckfuck it.

21. Jacksonville Jaguars

They kept a pretty good Bears offense in check. Shoulda put up more points though, it's the fucking Bears.

22. Tampa Bay Buccaneers

Ehhh.

23. Houston Texans

Ehhh. They can play some defense even without JJ. If I were them, I'd just let him play quarterback. As we've seen higher up on this list, playing for Wisconsin means that injuries don't matter.

24. San Diego Chargers

My model is definitively not impressed by their win against Denver.

25. New York Jets

And even less impressed by the Jets' loss against Arizona (yes, it was as bad as it looked).

26. Los Angeles Rams

They went from a complete inability to pass to throwing their 3rd TD before their 3rd incompletion. Weird. I'm just gonna go with this team being inconsistent as fuck.

27. New Orleans Saints

It's much less surprising that the Saints are so inconsistent. That's just what happens when you have an elite offense and no D.

28. Oakland Raiders

They weren't good when they were 4-1, and they aren't good after getting beat down against Kansas City.

29. Detroit Lions

See Chargers, San Diego.

30. Cleveland Browns

BELIEVELAND

31. San Francisco 49ers

32. Indianapolis Colts

They've been the worst for a while. Don't expect that to change.

2016 NFL Power Rankings Week 5

1. Carolina Panthers

Surprise! It took a missed game by Cam to get them back to first, but they did it. I won't be surprised when they come back to grab a wild card spot.

2. Seattle Seahawks

I won't be surprised when they cruise to a championship. I think the Seahawks are the only team this year that are actually that good.

3. Atlanta Falcons

The Falcons offense might actually be that good too. They did that shit against fucking Denver.

4. Denver Broncos

Still the best defense. But maybe not all-time like last year. Great offense beats great defense, but all-time great defense beats all-time great offense.

5. Arizona Cardinals

See Panthers, Carolina. Pretty much.

6. Pittsburgh Steelers

7. Minnesota Vikings

That was their most encouraging win of the season. I'm now confident enough to say that the defense is really good. The offense, not so much. My model has it at 27th in the league.

8. Dallas Cowboys

See Vikings, Minnesota, except switch offense and defense.

9. New England Patriots

Ehhh.

10. Philadelphia Eagles

They didn't get a ton of credit for their amazing start, and they aren't getting punished much for their loss to the Lions. We're still at that point where they might be good, but they haven't quite proved it yet.

11. Cincinnati Bengals

That was bad. You can't let the fucking Cowboys do that. 

12. Buffalo Bills

That was good. I'm somewhat impressed.

13. Green Bay Packers

So was that. At least for the defense.

14. Kansas City Chiefs

Bye

15. Chicago Bears

They fucking dominated the Colts. Just a couple bad plays. Maybe they can win the division? Nah. Wild card? Nah. But straight up, this 1-win team is decent.

16. New York Giants

Come on, you can't let the Packers do that to you. The Packers have been dog shit for a year now.

17. Tennessee Titans

The Titans are so good! Kinda! But they're definitely the best team in the division.

18. Baltimore Ravens

19. Washington Redskins

That was kinda ugly. The Ravens offense was worse than the Redskins defense. The other two units are actually good. 

20. New York Jets

Neither of the Jets units are good. Which is actually kinda surprising given how good their defense was last year.

21. Tampa Bay Buccaneers

They got the win, but they were totally shat on by one of the best teams in football.

22. Houston Texans

They'd have this shit in the bag if their D wasn't missing the third greatest player of all time.

23. San Diego Chargers

They've had some bad breaks this year. They're also a bad team.

24. Jacksonville Jaguars

At least they aren't the Colts.

25. Miami Dolphins

They're kinda like the Jets. Hopeless.

26. Oakland Raiders

Everybody else thinks they're good (probably because of their record). Everybody else is wrong. This defense is fucking trash.

27. Detroit Lions

This defense is also fucking trash.

28. Los Angeles Rams

This offense is fucking trash.

29. New Orleans Saints

See Lions, Detroit

30. Cleveland Browns

See Saints, New Orleans. I believelanded when they had Kessler. Now I believland in the Indians.

31. San Francisco 49ers

See Rams, Los Angeles.

32. Indianapolis Colts

This defense might actually be as bad as the Saints'. Straight up. And they don't have Drew Brees. Or anything close.