Ok, I'm late. By like, more than a week. So you're getting double this time! Just kidding. You're getting like half. But you still get the rankings, so fuck it.
1. Arizona Cardinals
They almost lost their spot after beating the Eagles 40-17. And now they're half a standard deviation above anybody else after one of the most dominant wins of the season by any team. See-ya Green Bay.
2. Seattle Seahawks
Not a good game against St. Louis, but not actually that bad. This was just a lot of bad luck. The first game, on the other hand... but that was a long time ago.
3. Cincinnati Bengals
Nobody else is playing well enough to catch up with this team that seems to have very little hope at this point with Dalton out.
4. Denver Broncos
5. Pittsburgh Steelers
6. New England Patriots
7. Carolina Panthers
8. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Yes, the Bucs passed the Chiefs. They'll pass the Panthers too with any sort of luck Sunday.
9. Kansas City Chiefs
10. New York Jets
Not actually as much of an upset as the media made it out to be.
11. St. Louis Rams
12. Buffalo Bills
13. Oakland Raiders
Not them again!
14. Baltimore Ravens
15. Minnesota Vikings
Isn't it exciting to watch how far the Packers have fallen?
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16. Houston Texans
JJ Watt is amazing, but really I'm just building up suspense. You know the Packers can't have actually fallen that far.
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17. Detroit Lions
HAHA Green Bay you got passed by the LIONS!
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18. Green Bay Packers
Ok, fine. But it's really fun to see them this low.
19. Chicago Bears
The difference between the Bears and the Lions is less than a 200th of a standard deviation.
20. Atlanta Falcons
To put things in perspective, the team that just beat the 14-0 Panthers is more than a 5th of a standard deviation behind Chicago.
21. Dallas Cowboys
22. Jacksonville Jaguars
23. Philadelphia Eagles
How can you fire Chip when he beat the Patriots?!? Oh wait, everybody's beating the Patriots nowadays.
24. Washington Redskins
25. San Diego Chargers
26. New York Giants
27. Tennessee Titans
28. San Francisco 49ers
29. Miami Dolphins
30. Cleveland Browns
Played the Chiefs as well as anybody has in a while.
31. Indianapolis Colts
32. New Orleans Saints
Top 5 offense! Better than New England's! But it's hard to do much damage with literally the worst defense of all time.
And while we're on the subject of Football Outsiders, IT'S ABOUT FUCKING TIME THE CARDINALS MADE IT INTO THE TOP SPOT. That is all.
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