Late again, I know.
1. Cincinnati Bengals
Still the best, although their huge-outlier status is gone.
2. Arizona Cardinals
Not a bad loss to another top 5 team.
3. Green Bay Packers
Just LOSE already PLEASE.
4. Pittsburgh Steelers
5. New England Patriots
Nope.
6. New York Jets
Yes, the Jets. Of the defenses that don't appear to be historically great (*cough* Denver *cough*), the JETS are number one.
7. Seattle Seahawks
And the Seahawks are number two. But they might be Denver-level if we just ignore the 4th quarter when the depth of their D-line rotation catches up to them.
8. Denver Broncos
The Jags and Titans are the only teams in the NFL with EITHER a worse offense OR a better defense than the Broncos. You can probably guess which.
9. St. Louis Rams
Bye. I'll probably see you again though. Maybe even this week. Possibly today.
10. Philadelphia Eagles
11. Buffalo Bills
12. Carolina Panthers
13. Dallas Cowboys
14. San Diego Chargers
15. Kansas City Chiefs
16. Atlanta Falcons
17. Baltimore Ravens
18. New York Giants
19. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
20. Houston Texans
That's, right, an AFC South team just made it into the TOP TWENTY FOOTBALL TEAMS IN THE ENTIRE WORLD. AMAZING. Might have something to do with having the greatest football player in the world.
21. Oakland Raiders
22. San Francisco 49ers
23. Minnesota Vikings
24. New Orleans Saints
25. Indianapolis Colts
26. Detroit Lions
27. Washington Redskins
28. Chicago Bears
29. Miami Dolphins
They looked like a completely different team. And given the talent on their D, they could be moving up fast.
30. Jacksonville Jaguars
31. Tennessee Titans
32. Cleveland Browns
Sunday, October 25, 2015
Sunday, October 18, 2015
2015 NFL Power Rankings Week 5
Ok, I'm really late on this one, you got me. I missed the start of the first round of Sunday games. But here we are. These are the numbers based on every game through week 5:
1. Cincinnati Bengals
Still #1, but it's a LOT closer after having to play against Kam Chancellor.
2. Arizona Cardinals
Looked amazing again demolishing Detroit. Carson Palmer had as many TDs as incompletions.
3. Green Bay Packers
This time it was the defense, which is now top 10 after picking off Foles four times.
4. New England Patriots
Romo would have made that game interesting.
5. Pittsburgh Steelers
They ran the ball pretty well. Particularly Vick.
6. Seattle Seahawks
Back to being ranked in the range they're used to after outplaying the best team in the league (on the road!).
7. Denver Broncos
Peyton might be done. The running game is nonexistent. Luckily for them, they have by FAR the most dominant defense in the league. Maybe in years. Maybe better than the one that held their greatest-offense-of-all-time to 8 points in the Superbowl. Ok, maybe not that good, but they're on that level. However, their offense isn't CLOSE to the level of that Seahawks offense. But with Peyton, there's always the chance of finding some magic for a final push.
8. St. Louis Rams
They may have had some troubles on O against Green Bay, but that defense is a top 5 unit in the league. Aaron Donald is basically a smaller JJ Watt. Which means he's probably going to the hall of fame.
9. New York Jets
Ok, now come the boring teams. Time to stop talking.
10. Buffalo Bills
11. Philadelphia Eagles
12. New York Giants
13. Carolina Panthers
14. Baltimore Ravens
15. Atlanta Falcons
16. Dallas Cowboys
17. San Diego Chargers
18. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
19. Washington Redskins
20. Kansas City Chiefs
21. Oakland Raiders
22. Tennessee Titans
23. Chicago Bears
24. Houston Texans
25. Jacksonville Jaguars
26. Minnesota Vikings
27. Indianapolis Colts
28. Cleveland Browns
29. San Francisco 49ers
30. New Orleans Saints
31. Detroit Lions
32. Miami Dolphins
1. Cincinnati Bengals
Still #1, but it's a LOT closer after having to play against Kam Chancellor.
2. Arizona Cardinals
Looked amazing again demolishing Detroit. Carson Palmer had as many TDs as incompletions.
3. Green Bay Packers
This time it was the defense, which is now top 10 after picking off Foles four times.
4. New England Patriots
Romo would have made that game interesting.
5. Pittsburgh Steelers
They ran the ball pretty well. Particularly Vick.
6. Seattle Seahawks
Back to being ranked in the range they're used to after outplaying the best team in the league (on the road!).
7. Denver Broncos
Peyton might be done. The running game is nonexistent. Luckily for them, they have by FAR the most dominant defense in the league. Maybe in years. Maybe better than the one that held their greatest-offense-of-all-time to 8 points in the Superbowl. Ok, maybe not that good, but they're on that level. However, their offense isn't CLOSE to the level of that Seahawks offense. But with Peyton, there's always the chance of finding some magic for a final push.
8. St. Louis Rams
They may have had some troubles on O against Green Bay, but that defense is a top 5 unit in the league. Aaron Donald is basically a smaller JJ Watt. Which means he's probably going to the hall of fame.
9. New York Jets
Ok, now come the boring teams. Time to stop talking.
10. Buffalo Bills
11. Philadelphia Eagles
12. New York Giants
13. Carolina Panthers
14. Baltimore Ravens
15. Atlanta Falcons
16. Dallas Cowboys
17. San Diego Chargers
18. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
19. Washington Redskins
20. Kansas City Chiefs
21. Oakland Raiders
22. Tennessee Titans
23. Chicago Bears
24. Houston Texans
25. Jacksonville Jaguars
26. Minnesota Vikings
27. Indianapolis Colts
28. Cleveland Browns
29. San Francisco 49ers
30. New Orleans Saints
31. Detroit Lions
32. Miami Dolphins
Thursday, October 8, 2015
2015 NFL Power Rankings Week 4
1. Cincinnati Bengals
It's not CLOSE. Like, at bengALL.
2. Green Bay Packers
Just the top of a pack of teams all in essentially the same place.
3. Pittsburgh Steelers
No. Fuck the Steelers.
4. Arizona Cardinals
Sometimes winning just isn't in the cards.
5. New England Patriots
More like the New England Golden TATEriots, am I right?
6. Denver Broncos
Ok, I just saw the Seahawks below me and realized I'm gonna have no shot at making puns out of all these names.
7. St. Louis Rams
Ok, bye everybody, we don't need to talk about the rest of the teams. The one below these ramblings is gonna win the Superbowl, the rest suck, you know the story.
8. Seattle Seahawks
9. Dallas Cowboys
10. Baltimore Ravens
11. Buffalo Bills
12. New York Jets
13. New York Giants
14. Philadelphia Eagles
15. Atlanta Falcons
16. Carolina Panthers
17. San Diego Chargers
18. Washington Redskins
19. Oakland Raiders
20. Kansas City Chiefs
21. Jacksonville Jaguars
Haha just kidding I have something more to say. If you were wondering if this is the first AFC South team you've seen so far, well, then I'm impressed, because you're perceptive as fuck. But yes. That's right. The Jacksonville motherfucking Jaguars are the best team in their division.
22. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
23. Detroit Lions
24. Tennessee Titans
25. Chicago Bears
26. Minnesota Vikings
27. Houston Texans
28. Indianapolis Colts
29. New Orleans Saints
30. San Francisco 49ers
31. Cleveland Browns
32. Miami Dolphins
It's not CLOSE. Like, at bengALL.
2. Green Bay Packers
Just the top of a pack of teams all in essentially the same place.
3. Pittsburgh Steelers
No. Fuck the Steelers.
4. Arizona Cardinals
Sometimes winning just isn't in the cards.
5. New England Patriots
More like the New England Golden TATEriots, am I right?
6. Denver Broncos
Ok, I just saw the Seahawks below me and realized I'm gonna have no shot at making puns out of all these names.
7. St. Louis Rams
Ok, bye everybody, we don't need to talk about the rest of the teams. The one below these ramblings is gonna win the Superbowl, the rest suck, you know the story.
8. Seattle Seahawks
9. Dallas Cowboys
10. Baltimore Ravens
11. Buffalo Bills
12. New York Jets
13. New York Giants
14. Philadelphia Eagles
15. Atlanta Falcons
16. Carolina Panthers
17. San Diego Chargers
18. Washington Redskins
19. Oakland Raiders
20. Kansas City Chiefs
21. Jacksonville Jaguars
Haha just kidding I have something more to say. If you were wondering if this is the first AFC South team you've seen so far, well, then I'm impressed, because you're perceptive as fuck. But yes. That's right. The Jacksonville motherfucking Jaguars are the best team in their division.
22. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
23. Detroit Lions
24. Tennessee Titans
25. Chicago Bears
26. Minnesota Vikings
27. Houston Texans
28. Indianapolis Colts
29. New Orleans Saints
30. San Francisco 49ers
31. Cleveland Browns
32. Miami Dolphins
Sunday, October 4, 2015
2015 NFL Power Rankings Week 3
I beat my time last week by a couple minutes! Unfortunately there was some dumb London game in the early morning. But no one cares about the Dolphins and Jets anyway. Ravens and Steelers? Maybe. But that game was WAY too early. But I digress. Here are your rankings:
1. Cincinnati Bengals
2. Pittsburgh Steelers
3. Green Bay Packers
4. Arizona Cardinals
5. New England Patriots
6. Denver Broncos
7. Dallas Cowboys
8. St. Louis Rams
9. Seattle Seahawks
10. Buffalo Bills
11. Baltimore Ravens
12. Carolina Panthers
13. Philadelphia Eagles
14. New York Giants
15. New York Jets
16. Washington Redskins
17. San Diego Chargers
18. Atlanta Falcons
19. Kansas City Chiefs
20. Oakland Raiders (2-1. What???)
21. Indianapolis Colts
22. Minnesota Vikings
23. Houston Texans
24. Tennessee Titans
25. Detroit Lions
26. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
27. Jacksonville Jaguars
28. Chicago Bears
29. San Francisco 49ers
30. Miami Dolphins
31. Cleveland Browns
32. New Orleans Saints (This is despite a top 10 offense. That's how bad the D has been. The lowest team other than them with a top 10 O or D unit is the Falcons at 18 (7th best offense).)
1. Cincinnati Bengals
2. Pittsburgh Steelers
3. Green Bay Packers
4. Arizona Cardinals
5. New England Patriots
6. Denver Broncos
7. Dallas Cowboys
8. St. Louis Rams
9. Seattle Seahawks
10. Buffalo Bills
11. Baltimore Ravens
12. Carolina Panthers
13. Philadelphia Eagles
14. New York Giants
15. New York Jets
16. Washington Redskins
17. San Diego Chargers
18. Atlanta Falcons
19. Kansas City Chiefs
20. Oakland Raiders (2-1. What???)
21. Indianapolis Colts
22. Minnesota Vikings
23. Houston Texans
24. Tennessee Titans
25. Detroit Lions
26. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
27. Jacksonville Jaguars
28. Chicago Bears
29. San Francisco 49ers
30. Miami Dolphins
31. Cleveland Browns
32. New Orleans Saints (This is despite a top 10 offense. That's how bad the D has been. The lowest team other than them with a top 10 O or D unit is the Falcons at 18 (7th best offense).)
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