Monday, January 4, 2016
Saturday, January 2, 2016
2015 NFL Power Rankings Week 16
Ok, I'm late. By like, more than a week. So you're getting double this time! Just kidding. You're getting like half. But you still get the rankings, so fuck it.
1. Arizona Cardinals
They almost lost their spot after beating the Eagles 40-17. And now they're half a standard deviation above anybody else after one of the most dominant wins of the season by any team. See-ya Green Bay.
2. Seattle Seahawks
Not a good game against St. Louis, but not actually that bad. This was just a lot of bad luck. The first game, on the other hand... but that was a long time ago.
3. Cincinnati Bengals
Nobody else is playing well enough to catch up with this team that seems to have very little hope at this point with Dalton out.
4. Denver Broncos
5. Pittsburgh Steelers
6. New England Patriots
7. Carolina Panthers
8. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Yes, the Bucs passed the Chiefs. They'll pass the Panthers too with any sort of luck Sunday.
9. Kansas City Chiefs
10. New York Jets
Not actually as much of an upset as the media made it out to be.
11. St. Louis Rams
12. Buffalo Bills
13. Oakland Raiders
Not them again!
14. Baltimore Ravens
15. Minnesota Vikings
Isn't it exciting to watch how far the Packers have fallen?
.
.
.
16. Houston Texans
JJ Watt is amazing, but really I'm just building up suspense. You know the Packers can't have actually fallen that far.
.
.
.
17. Detroit Lions
HAHA Green Bay you got passed by the LIONS!
.
.
.
18. Green Bay Packers
Ok, fine. But it's really fun to see them this low.
19. Chicago Bears
The difference between the Bears and the Lions is less than a 200th of a standard deviation.
20. Atlanta Falcons
To put things in perspective, the team that just beat the 14-0 Panthers is more than a 5th of a standard deviation behind Chicago.
21. Dallas Cowboys
22. Jacksonville Jaguars
23. Philadelphia Eagles
How can you fire Chip when he beat the Patriots?!? Oh wait, everybody's beating the Patriots nowadays.
24. Washington Redskins
25. San Diego Chargers
26. New York Giants
27. Tennessee Titans
28. San Francisco 49ers
29. Miami Dolphins
30. Cleveland Browns
Played the Chiefs as well as anybody has in a while.
31. Indianapolis Colts
32. New Orleans Saints
Top 5 offense! Better than New England's! But it's hard to do much damage with literally the worst defense of all time.
And while we're on the subject of Football Outsiders, IT'S ABOUT FUCKING TIME THE CARDINALS MADE IT INTO THE TOP SPOT. That is all.
1. Arizona Cardinals
They almost lost their spot after beating the Eagles 40-17. And now they're half a standard deviation above anybody else after one of the most dominant wins of the season by any team. See-ya Green Bay.
2. Seattle Seahawks
Not a good game against St. Louis, but not actually that bad. This was just a lot of bad luck. The first game, on the other hand... but that was a long time ago.
3. Cincinnati Bengals
Nobody else is playing well enough to catch up with this team that seems to have very little hope at this point with Dalton out.
4. Denver Broncos
5. Pittsburgh Steelers
6. New England Patriots
7. Carolina Panthers
8. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Yes, the Bucs passed the Chiefs. They'll pass the Panthers too with any sort of luck Sunday.
9. Kansas City Chiefs
10. New York Jets
Not actually as much of an upset as the media made it out to be.
11. St. Louis Rams
12. Buffalo Bills
13. Oakland Raiders
Not them again!
14. Baltimore Ravens
15. Minnesota Vikings
Isn't it exciting to watch how far the Packers have fallen?
.
.
.
16. Houston Texans
JJ Watt is amazing, but really I'm just building up suspense. You know the Packers can't have actually fallen that far.
.
.
.
17. Detroit Lions
HAHA Green Bay you got passed by the LIONS!
.
.
.
18. Green Bay Packers
Ok, fine. But it's really fun to see them this low.
19. Chicago Bears
The difference between the Bears and the Lions is less than a 200th of a standard deviation.
20. Atlanta Falcons
To put things in perspective, the team that just beat the 14-0 Panthers is more than a 5th of a standard deviation behind Chicago.
21. Dallas Cowboys
22. Jacksonville Jaguars
23. Philadelphia Eagles
How can you fire Chip when he beat the Patriots?!? Oh wait, everybody's beating the Patriots nowadays.
24. Washington Redskins
25. San Diego Chargers
26. New York Giants
27. Tennessee Titans
28. San Francisco 49ers
29. Miami Dolphins
30. Cleveland Browns
Played the Chiefs as well as anybody has in a while.
31. Indianapolis Colts
32. New Orleans Saints
Top 5 offense! Better than New England's! But it's hard to do much damage with literally the worst defense of all time.
And while we're on the subject of Football Outsiders, IT'S ABOUT FUCKING TIME THE CARDINALS MADE IT INTO THE TOP SPOT. That is all.
Saturday, December 19, 2015
2015 NFL Power Rankings Week 14
Well, at least I got the rankings in before Sunday
1. Arizona Cardinals
As usual, but it's getting closer and closer.
2. Seattle Seahawks
3. Cincinnati Bengals
4. Pittsburgh Steelers
5. Denver Broncos
6. Carolina Panthers
7. Kansas City Chiefs
They're in the same division as a top 10 offense. They played that top 10 offense twice. They allowed exactly 3 points each time. They may have started out 1-5 (!), but it's been over two months (!!) since they've lost a game.
8. New England Patriots
9. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
10. New York Jets
11. Buffalo Bills
12. Oakland Raiders
13. St. Louis Rams
As of this point in the list, only 5 divisions are represented.
14. Green Bay Packers
15. Chicago Bears
Wouldn't it be amazing if they passed Green Bay? Yes. Because fuck the Packers.
16. Baltimore Ravens
17. Houston Texans
18. Minnesota Vikings
19. Detroit Lions
We just had two non-NFC-north teams in the last 6 spots.
20. Dallas Cowboys
21. Jacksonville Jaguars
22. Philadelphia Eagles
23. Atlanta Falcons
24. Miami Dolphins
25. New York Giants
26. Washington Redskins
We just had three non-NFC-east teams in the last 7 spots.
27. Tennessee Titans
28. San Diego Chargers
29. San Francisco 49ers
30. Cleveland Browns
31. Indianapolis Colts
32. New Orleans Saints
With the number 6 offense in the entire NFL.
1. Arizona Cardinals
As usual, but it's getting closer and closer.
2. Seattle Seahawks
3. Cincinnati Bengals
4. Pittsburgh Steelers
5. Denver Broncos
6. Carolina Panthers
7. Kansas City Chiefs
They're in the same division as a top 10 offense. They played that top 10 offense twice. They allowed exactly 3 points each time. They may have started out 1-5 (!), but it's been over two months (!!) since they've lost a game.
8. New England Patriots
9. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
10. New York Jets
11. Buffalo Bills
12. Oakland Raiders
13. St. Louis Rams
As of this point in the list, only 5 divisions are represented.
14. Green Bay Packers
15. Chicago Bears
Wouldn't it be amazing if they passed Green Bay? Yes. Because fuck the Packers.
16. Baltimore Ravens
17. Houston Texans
18. Minnesota Vikings
19. Detroit Lions
We just had two non-NFC-north teams in the last 6 spots.
20. Dallas Cowboys
21. Jacksonville Jaguars
22. Philadelphia Eagles
23. Atlanta Falcons
24. Miami Dolphins
25. New York Giants
26. Washington Redskins
We just had three non-NFC-east teams in the last 7 spots.
27. Tennessee Titans
28. San Diego Chargers
29. San Francisco 49ers
30. Cleveland Browns
31. Indianapolis Colts
32. New Orleans Saints
With the number 6 offense in the entire NFL.
Thursday, December 10, 2015
2015 NFL Power Rankings Week 13
I feel pretty good about last week's rankings, the top 5 teams won by a combined 164-26. I'd say that's a pretty solid margin.
1. Arizona Cardinals
2. Seattle Seahawks
Biggest jump of anyone. Cut the gap in half again despite how well the Cardinals did. This is probably the best team in the NFL now. Again.
3. Pittsburgh Steelers
4. Cincinnati Bengals
Yes, they lost a spot despite winning 37-3.
5. Denver Broncos
6. New England Patriots
lol
7. Carolina Panthers
Just itching to give up that 7th spot.
8. Kansas City Chiefs
9. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
10. New York Jets
11. Green Bay Packers
12. Oakland Raiders
13. Buffalo Bills
14. St. Louis Rams
15. Chicago Bears
Yes, in the top 15, we have the Chiefs, Bucs, Jets, Raiders, Bills, Rams, and Bears. So basically over half of the bottom-10 crowd in recent years.
16. Baltimore Ravens
17. Detroit Lions
18. Atlanta Falcons
19. Houston Texans
20. Dallas Cowboys
21. Minnesota Vikings
22. Philadelphia Eagles
23. Jacksonville Jaguars
24. Miami Dolphins
25. Tennessee Titans
26. San Francisco 49ers
27. San Diego Chargers
28. Washington Redskins
29. New York Giants
30. Indianapolis Colts
31. New Orleans Saints
Yes, this is the team that almost knocked off the undefeated Panthers.
32. Cleveland Browns
1. Arizona Cardinals
2. Seattle Seahawks
Biggest jump of anyone. Cut the gap in half again despite how well the Cardinals did. This is probably the best team in the NFL now. Again.
3. Pittsburgh Steelers
4. Cincinnati Bengals
Yes, they lost a spot despite winning 37-3.
5. Denver Broncos
6. New England Patriots
lol
7. Carolina Panthers
Just itching to give up that 7th spot.
8. Kansas City Chiefs
9. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
10. New York Jets
11. Green Bay Packers
12. Oakland Raiders
13. Buffalo Bills
14. St. Louis Rams
15. Chicago Bears
Yes, in the top 15, we have the Chiefs, Bucs, Jets, Raiders, Bills, Rams, and Bears. So basically over half of the bottom-10 crowd in recent years.
16. Baltimore Ravens
17. Detroit Lions
18. Atlanta Falcons
19. Houston Texans
20. Dallas Cowboys
21. Minnesota Vikings
22. Philadelphia Eagles
23. Jacksonville Jaguars
24. Miami Dolphins
25. Tennessee Titans
26. San Francisco 49ers
27. San Diego Chargers
28. Washington Redskins
29. New York Giants
30. Indianapolis Colts
31. New Orleans Saints
Yes, this is the team that almost knocked off the undefeated Panthers.
32. Cleveland Browns
Tuesday, December 1, 2015
2015 NFL Power Rankings Week 12
On time as FUCK.
1. Arizona Cardinals
Everybody has bad games. But this one cost AZ half their lead over Seattle.
2. Seattle Seahawks
NFC West 2, everybody else 0.
3. Cincinnati Bengals
That dominant performance against the Rams has them solidly positioned to be the 2nd-seed and the 1st-most-skilliest team in the AFC.
4. Pittsburgh Steelers
How are all the best teams in the same divisions???
5. Denver Broncos
6. New England Patriots
Well, there goes one of them.
7. Carolina Panthers
The average ranking of their remaining (regular season) opponents is 21st. That's like, really high for an average.
8. Kansas City Chiefs
Closing the gap. It wouldn't be that unreasonable to see the Panthers go 16-0 as the 8th best team in the NFL.
9. Tampa Bay Buccanneers
Somehow my algorithm knows not to penalize teams for being unable to stop the unstoppable. AKA Matthew Hasselbeck.
10. New York Jets
Another really good looking win.
11. Oakland Raiders
Well they're more just a beneficiary of the Rams and Packers falling apart.
12. St. Louis Rams
13. Green Bay Packers
14. Baltimore Ravens
15. Buffalo Bills
16. Chicago Bears
They've done an incredible job to pull themselves out of the depths of the NFL basement.
17. Atlanta Falcons
We're nearing the end.
18. Minnesota Vikings
19. Houston Texans
I just can't think of watt could possibly keep this team from being the worst in the league. But somehow they're shutting down great offenses.
20. Detroit Lions
Don't get too proud of yourselves.
21. Jacksonville Jaguars
22. Dallas Cowboys
Remember when I made fun of the AFC South? Well I just want to point out that this week, the Cowboys are the first NFC East team you're seeing. God damn some divisions suck.
23. Philadelphia Eagles
24. Tennessee Titans
25. Miami Dolphins
26. San Francisco 49ers
27. Washington Redskins
28. San Diego Chargers
29. Indianapolis Colts
30. New York Giants
31. New Orleans Saints
32. Cleveland Browns
1. Arizona Cardinals
Everybody has bad games. But this one cost AZ half their lead over Seattle.
2. Seattle Seahawks
NFC West 2, everybody else 0.
3. Cincinnati Bengals
That dominant performance against the Rams has them solidly positioned to be the 2nd-seed and the 1st-most-skilliest team in the AFC.
4. Pittsburgh Steelers
How are all the best teams in the same divisions???
5. Denver Broncos
6. New England Patriots
Well, there goes one of them.
7. Carolina Panthers
The average ranking of their remaining (regular season) opponents is 21st. That's like, really high for an average.
8. Kansas City Chiefs
Closing the gap. It wouldn't be that unreasonable to see the Panthers go 16-0 as the 8th best team in the NFL.
9. Tampa Bay Buccanneers
Somehow my algorithm knows not to penalize teams for being unable to stop the unstoppable. AKA Matthew Hasselbeck.
10. New York Jets
Another really good looking win.
11. Oakland Raiders
Well they're more just a beneficiary of the Rams and Packers falling apart.
12. St. Louis Rams
13. Green Bay Packers
14. Baltimore Ravens
15. Buffalo Bills
16. Chicago Bears
They've done an incredible job to pull themselves out of the depths of the NFL basement.
17. Atlanta Falcons
We're nearing the end.
18. Minnesota Vikings
19. Houston Texans
I just can't think of watt could possibly keep this team from being the worst in the league. But somehow they're shutting down great offenses.
20. Detroit Lions
Don't get too proud of yourselves.
21. Jacksonville Jaguars
22. Dallas Cowboys
Remember when I made fun of the AFC South? Well I just want to point out that this week, the Cowboys are the first NFC East team you're seeing. God damn some divisions suck.
23. Philadelphia Eagles
24. Tennessee Titans
25. Miami Dolphins
26. San Francisco 49ers
27. Washington Redskins
28. San Diego Chargers
29. Indianapolis Colts
30. New York Giants
31. New Orleans Saints
32. Cleveland Browns
Thursday, November 26, 2015
2015 NFL Power Rankings Week 11
Gotta get these in before too many games happen.
1. Arizona Cardinals
It's interesting to note that while all these other top teams have been falling back to the pack, the Cardinals are still >2.5 standard deviations above the mean and >1 SD above the number two team.
2. New England Patriots
As you've probably deduced from the last blurb, they're only about 1.5 SD above the mean, but given that the toughest offense they face from here on out is the Dolphins, it's still not that unreasonable for them to just keep winning and winning. Just have to not fuck up this Sunday against Denver. Because Denver has the kind of offense that will fuck up against you.
3. Pittsburgh Steelers
4. Seattle Seahawks
Another team that's 1.5 SD above the mean. Now look at the 10-0 vs. the 5-5. That's what luck will do for you - the luck of getting to play in the AFC East vs. the NFC West...
5. Cincinnati Bengals
6. Denver Broncos
7. Carolina Panthers
...or the luck of winning all your close games.
8. Kansas City Chiefs
9. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
You're not seeing it wrong. The Bucs really are in the top 10.
10. St. Louis Rams
11. New York Jets
12. Green Bay Packers
13. Buffalo Bills
14. Atlanta Falcons
15. Oakland Raiders
16. Baltimore Ravens
17. Chicago Bears
18. Houston Texans
19. Minnesota Vikings
20. Dallas Cowboys
Even if the Cowboys lose out, they'll still have more losses without Romo than with him. #mvp #thirdhighestpasserratingofalltime #whoevercouldbesecond #ohthatsright
21. Philadelphia Eagles
22. Detroit Lions
23. Jacksonville Jaguars
24. Tennessee Titans
25. Miami Dolphins
26. Indianapolis Colts
They look a lot better with that new guy starting. It's probably time for Luck to retire.
27. New York Giants
28. San Diego Chargers
29. New Orleans Saints
30. Washington Redskins
31. San Francisco 49ers
32. Cleveland Browns
Sunday, November 22, 2015
2015 NFL Power Rankings Week 10
Beat the start of the Sunday games! Barely. Barely as fuck.
1. Arizona Cardinals
2. New England Patriots
Somehow moved up a couple spots after their worst game of the season. Because somehow the Bengals and especially the Broncos had WAY WORSE games. But to put it in perspective, last week, they were 1 spot and .395 standard deviations above the Seahawks. This week, they're ahead by more spots, but only .09 standard deviations above Seattle (I'm using Seattle as a reference because they didn't have a wildly good or bad game like the other surrounding teams. Also to show how closely packed the next few teams are).
3. Pittsburgh Steelers
Yeah, that was one of the wildly successful games. Fuckfuckfuckfuck went off.
4. Cincinnati Bengals
5. Seattle Seahawks
6. Denver Broncos
The end of a motherfucking era. But still a god damn ridiculously good/all-time great defense.
7. Carolina Panthers
8. New York Jets
9. St. Louis Rams
10. Kansas City Chiefs
11. Green Bay Packers
It's been over a month since they've won a game, for those who haven't been counting.
12. Buffalo Bills
13. Philadelphia Eagles
14. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
15. Oakland Raiders
16. Atlanta Falcons
17. Baltimore Ravens
18. Chicago Bears
19. Minnesota Vikings
20. Dallas Cowboys
21. Houston Texans
22. Miami Dolphins
23. Jacksonville Jaguars
24. Detroit Lions
25. Tennessee Titans
26. San Diego Chargers
27. Indianapolis Colts
28. New York Giants
29. San Francisco 49ers
30. New Orleans Saints
That's the number 5 offense in the league right now. Only problem is, well, they seem to be the anti-Broncos. As greatest-of-all-time-level as the Broncos' defense is good... Let's just say these Saints are approaching their 2012 version in defensive ineptitude.
31. Washington Redskins
32. Cleveland Browns
1. Arizona Cardinals
2. New England Patriots
Somehow moved up a couple spots after their worst game of the season. Because somehow the Bengals and especially the Broncos had WAY WORSE games. But to put it in perspective, last week, they were 1 spot and .395 standard deviations above the Seahawks. This week, they're ahead by more spots, but only .09 standard deviations above Seattle (I'm using Seattle as a reference because they didn't have a wildly good or bad game like the other surrounding teams. Also to show how closely packed the next few teams are).
3. Pittsburgh Steelers
Yeah, that was one of the wildly successful games. Fuckfuckfuckfuck went off.
4. Cincinnati Bengals
5. Seattle Seahawks
6. Denver Broncos
The end of a motherfucking era. But still a god damn ridiculously good/all-time great defense.
7. Carolina Panthers
8. New York Jets
9. St. Louis Rams
10. Kansas City Chiefs
11. Green Bay Packers
It's been over a month since they've won a game, for those who haven't been counting.
12. Buffalo Bills
13. Philadelphia Eagles
14. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
15. Oakland Raiders
16. Atlanta Falcons
17. Baltimore Ravens
18. Chicago Bears
19. Minnesota Vikings
20. Dallas Cowboys
21. Houston Texans
22. Miami Dolphins
23. Jacksonville Jaguars
24. Detroit Lions
25. Tennessee Titans
26. San Diego Chargers
27. Indianapolis Colts
28. New York Giants
29. San Francisco 49ers
30. New Orleans Saints
That's the number 5 offense in the league right now. Only problem is, well, they seem to be the anti-Broncos. As greatest-of-all-time-level as the Broncos' defense is good... Let's just say these Saints are approaching their 2012 version in defensive ineptitude.
31. Washington Redskins
32. Cleveland Browns
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