2015 NFL Power Rankings Week 11

Gotta get these in before too many games happen.

1. Arizona Cardinals

It's interesting to note that while all these other top teams have been falling back to the pack, the Cardinals are still >2.5 standard deviations above the mean and >1 SD above the number two team.

2. New England Patriots

As you've probably deduced from the last blurb, they're only about 1.5 SD above the mean, but given that the toughest offense they face from here on out is the Dolphins, it's still not that unreasonable for them to just keep winning and winning. Just have to not fuck up this Sunday against Denver. Because Denver has the kind of offense that will fuck up against you.

3. Pittsburgh Steelers

4. Seattle Seahawks

Another team that's 1.5 SD above the mean. Now look at the 10-0 vs. the 5-5. That's what luck will do for you - the luck of getting to play in the AFC East vs. the NFC West...

5. Cincinnati Bengals

6. Denver Broncos

7. Carolina Panthers

...or the luck of winning all your close games.

8. Kansas City Chiefs

9. Tampa Bay Buccaneers

You're not seeing it wrong. The Bucs really are in the top 10.

10. St. Louis Rams

11. New York Jets

12. Green Bay Packers

13. Buffalo Bills

14. Atlanta Falcons

15. Oakland Raiders

16. Baltimore Ravens

17. Chicago Bears

18. Houston Texans

19. Minnesota Vikings

20. Dallas Cowboys

Even if the Cowboys lose out, they'll still have more losses without Romo than with him. #mvp #thirdhighestpasserratingofalltime #whoevercouldbesecond #ohthatsright

21. Philadelphia Eagles

22. Detroit Lions

23. Jacksonville Jaguars

24. Tennessee Titans

25. Miami Dolphins

26. Indianapolis Colts

They look a lot better with that new guy starting. It's probably time for Luck to retire.

27. New York Giants

28. San Diego Chargers

29. New Orleans Saints

30. Washington Redskins

31. San Francisco 49ers

32. Cleveland Browns

2015 NFL Power Rankings Week 10

Beat the start of the Sunday games! Barely. Barely as fuck.

1. Arizona Cardinals

2. New England Patriots

Somehow moved up a couple spots after their worst game of the season. Because somehow the Bengals and especially the Broncos had WAY WORSE games. But to put it in perspective, last week, they were 1 spot and .395 standard deviations above the Seahawks. This week, they're ahead by more spots, but only .09 standard deviations above Seattle (I'm using Seattle as a reference because they didn't have a wildly good or bad game like the other surrounding teams. Also to show how closely packed the next few teams are).

3. Pittsburgh Steelers

Yeah, that was one of the wildly successful games. Fuckfuckfuckfuck went off.

4. Cincinnati Bengals

5. Seattle Seahawks

6. Denver Broncos

The end of a motherfucking era. But still a god damn ridiculously good/all-time great defense.

7. Carolina Panthers

8. New York Jets

9. St. Louis Rams

10. Kansas City Chiefs

11. Green Bay Packers

It's been over a month since they've won a game, for those who haven't been counting.

12. Buffalo Bills

13. Philadelphia Eagles

14. Tampa Bay Buccaneers

15. Oakland Raiders

16. Atlanta Falcons

17. Baltimore Ravens

18. Chicago Bears

19. Minnesota Vikings

20. Dallas Cowboys

21. Houston Texans

22. Miami Dolphins

23. Jacksonville Jaguars

24. Detroit Lions

25. Tennessee Titans

26. San Diego Chargers

27. Indianapolis Colts

28. New York Giants

29. San Francisco 49ers

30. New Orleans Saints

That's the number 5 offense in the league right now. Only problem is, well, they seem to be the anti-Broncos. As greatest-of-all-time-level as the Broncos' defense is good... Let's just say these Saints are approaching their 2012 version in defensive ineptitude.

31. Washington Redskins

32. Cleveland Browns

2015 NFL Power Rankings Week 9

Got the blog going up (going up)... ON A FRIDAY. Wait what? I think it means that the top 4 teams don't actually stand much of a chance at winning the Superbowl this year. Same for the bottom 27, obviously. Anyways, here we go.

1. Arizona Cardinals

2. Cincinnati Bengals

3. Denver Broncos

Aaaaand you blew it. Still easily the best defense in the league, and still one of the greatest of all time, but not the greatest. In other words, you ain't JJ Watt.

4. New England Patriots

5. Seattle Seahawks

6. Pittsburgh Steelers

Somehow beating the Raiders is actually impressive now. I don't know if I can handle this NFL.

7. Carolina Panthers

Second straight week of someone doing to the Packers what the Raiders were doing to everyone else. Wait what?

8. St. Louis Rams

9. New York Jets

10. Green Bay Packers

11. Buffalo Bills

12. Oakland Raiders

They dropped a spot! Everything* is back to normal!

13. Kansas City Chiefs

14. Philadelphia Eagles

15. Tampa Bay Buccaneers

One of the most dominant losing performances in the past few years. Wait what?

16. Atlanta Falcons

17. Jacksonville Jaguars

AFC South moving up**. But the sneaky part is that it's actually because of their now top-10 defense.

18. Baltimore Ravens

19. Dallas Cowboys

Luckily, they have an incredible line. Which allows them to win something* with Romo out.

20. Minnesota Vikings

21. Miami Dolphins

22. Chicago Bears

23. Houston Texans

24. New Orleans Saints

6th ranked offense, 32nd ranked defense. Makes things interesting.

25. San Diego Chargers

8th ranked offense, 31st ranked defense. When I said interesting I was referring to how similar these two teams are. They're also 1st and 2nd in pass attempts, by the way. Which kinda makes sense.

26. Indianapolis Colts

3rd in pass attempts. Not top 10 in offense though. Or even close. It's interesting that the top 4 most pass-heavy teams are all next to each other (Texans).

27. Tennessee Titans

28. Detroit Lions

29. San Francisco 49ers

30. New York Giants

I know you're 5-4. See how much I care.

31. Cleveland Browns

32. Washington Redskins

*nothing

**Wait what?

2015 NFL Power Rankings Week 8

BEFORE THURSDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL! BOOM!

1. Arizona Cardinals

It was starting to feel inevitable.

2. Denver Broncos

They just allowed 50 yards passing to the Packers. The Packers. As in the team with what has been by far the most efficient passing game ever over a 5 year span. This might be the best defense of all time.

3. Cincinnati Bengals

That was not a good game. But when your top spot is reliant on Dalton continuing to put up unsustainable numbers, then obviously you're gonna fall eventually.

4. New England Patriots

5. Seattle Seahawks
6. St. Louis Rams

Yes, half of the top 6 teams play in the NFC west. Kinda like how 4 of the bottom 10 teams play in the AFC south. Haha 4. That's all of them.

7. Pittsburgh Steelers

8. New York Jets

I realize the Raiders are kinda good now, but you can't let them do you like that. And I realize that's basically what I told the Chargers last week, but you can't let them do you like that.

9. Green Bay Packers

s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-SEE-YA

10. Carolina Panthers

11. Oakland Raiders

Yes the Raiders. What the fuck. I'm leaving.

12. Buffalo Bills

13. Kansas City Chiefs

14. Atlanta Falcons

15. Philadelphia Eagles

16. Dallas Cowboys

17. Tampa Bay Buccaneers

18. Baltimore Ravens

19. Miami Dolphins

20. San Diego Chargers

21. New Orleans Saints

Holy FUCK there were a lot of points that game. And my algorithm still doesn't think their defense is that much worse than the Chargers' (the second worst team).

22. Minnesota Vikings

23. Jacksonville Jaguars

24. Houston Texans

Remember last season when JJ Watt had the 3 greatest games of all time? You know which one gets to be the greatest? None of them anymore.

25. Chicago Bears

26. New York Giants

Even more amazingly, their defense still gets to be better than the Chargers'.

27. Indianapolis Colts

28. Cleveland Browns

29. Detroit Lions

30. Tennessee Titans

31. San Francisco 49ers

32. Washington Redskins

2015 NFL Power Rankings Week 7

I made it before the big wave of games started! Thursday night and London games are to be expected. But anyways, here are the new rankings.

1. Cincinnati Bengals

You know everything everybody is saying about the Patriots? They should really be saying it about the Bengals. This is (by quite a bit) the best offense in the NFL. Defense, not so much. Which will make holding on to the top spot even harder.

2. Arizona Cardinals

Ok, a few weeks ago it wasn't close, but now it is. The Cardinals are within .00175 standard deviations of the Bengals. And this is in spite of their number-two-offense-in-the-league being nowhere near the Bengals'.

3. Green Bay Packers

They're consistently good, but they need it to stay here. The Packers aren't in the same class as the Bengals and Cardinals, they don't have that kind of wiggle room.

4. New York Jets
5. New England Patriots

The Jets ran the ball better and passed the ball better than the Patriots. But you know what the Patriots did better? Completely avoiding running the ball. As in they had 9 rushes all game. Four of which were by Brady. Darell "fuck-you-you-piece-of-shit-just-fucking-fire-this-dude-already" Bevell, maybe there's a lesson to be learned here.

6. Seattle Seahawks

Speaking of which, I wonder why the 6th best team in the NFL has such a poor record...
Ok, when your scoring margin is +26, a lot has to be attributed to luck, but as for the rest? Just look up.

7. Denver Broncos

The only reason my rankings don't say they have the worst offense in the league is that I'm still taking last season into account. Peyton is looking done-done-done-done-done and has been for a while. But then again, their all-time-great defense has somehow prevented them from losing a single game.

8. Pittsburgh Steelers

As much as I hate to admit it, Ben Fuckfuckfuckfuck might actually be somewhat important. Nowhere near Romo level though, it's pretty telling when you're winning 100% with and 0% without.

9. St. Louis Rams

They got a good defense. Gurley looks good. It's hard to improve your ranking playing the Browns. You're expected to dominate like they did.

10. Carolina Panthers

11. Buffalo Bills

12. Philadelphia Eagles

13. Tampa Bay Buccaneers

Wait what? The Bucs? Here? I guess my algorithm was a big fan of that loss to the Redskins. Which to be fair it should be, but it seems like it was a really big fan. As we'll see by Washington's ranking. But to be fair, a lot of this big movement in the rankings is just the teams around here all being clumped close together.

14. Miami Dolphins

My algorithm is a big fan of all-time-great offensive games.

15. Dallas Cowboys

We've talked about them already. But maybe Dez will help a little bit.

16. Oakland Raiders

17. Kansas City Chiefs

18. Atlanta Falcons

19. Baltimore Ravens

20. New York Giants

21. Jacksonville Jaguars

Widening the gap between them and the rest of the teams in their division...

22. San Diego Chargers

You can't let the Raiders do that to you, man.

23. Minnesota Vikings

24. Chicago Bears

25. San Francisco 49ers

26. New Orleans Saints

27. Indianapolis Colts

28. Tennessee Titans

29. Detroit Lions

30. Houston Texans

31. Cleveland Browns

32. Washington Redskins

2015 NFL Power Rankings Week 6

Late again, I know.

1. Cincinnati Bengals

Still the best, although their huge-outlier status is gone.

2. Arizona Cardinals

Not a bad loss to another top 5 team.

3. Green Bay Packers

Just LOSE already PLEASE.

4. Pittsburgh Steelers
5. New England Patriots

Nope.

6. New York Jets

Yes, the Jets. Of the defenses that don't appear to be historically great (*cough* Denver *cough*), the JETS are number one.

7. Seattle Seahawks

And the Seahawks are number two. But they might be Denver-level if we just ignore the 4th quarter when the depth of their D-line rotation catches up to them.

8. Denver Broncos

The Jags and Titans are the only teams in the NFL with EITHER a worse offense OR a better defense than the Broncos. You can probably guess which.

9. St. Louis Rams

Bye. I'll probably see you again though. Maybe even this week. Possibly today.

10. Philadelphia Eagles

11. Buffalo Bills

12. Carolina Panthers

13. Dallas Cowboys

14. San Diego Chargers

15. Kansas City Chiefs

16. Atlanta Falcons

17. Baltimore Ravens

18. New York Giants

19. Tampa Bay Buccaneers

20. Houston Texans

That's, right, an AFC South team just made it into the TOP TWENTY FOOTBALL TEAMS IN THE ENTIRE WORLD. AMAZING. Might have something to do with having the greatest football player in the world.

21. Oakland Raiders

22. San Francisco 49ers

23. Minnesota Vikings

24. New Orleans Saints

25. Indianapolis Colts

26. Detroit Lions

27. Washington Redskins

28. Chicago Bears

29. Miami Dolphins

They looked like a completely different team. And given the talent on their D, they could be moving up fast.

30. Jacksonville Jaguars

31. Tennessee Titans

32. Cleveland Browns

2015 NFL Power Rankings Week 5

Ok, I'm really late on this one, you got me. I missed the start of the first round of Sunday games. But here we are. These are the numbers based on every game through week 5:

1. Cincinnati Bengals

Still #1, but it's a LOT closer after having to play against Kam Chancellor.

2. Arizona Cardinals

Looked amazing again demolishing Detroit. Carson Palmer had as many TDs as incompletions.

3. Green Bay Packers

This time it was the defense, which is now top 10 after picking off Foles four times.

4. New England Patriots

Romo would have made that game interesting.

5. Pittsburgh Steelers

They ran the ball pretty well. Particularly Vick.

6. Seattle Seahawks

Back to being ranked in the range they're used to after outplaying the best team in the league (on the road!).

7. Denver Broncos

Peyton might be done. The running game is nonexistent. Luckily for them, they have by FAR the most dominant defense in the league. Maybe in years. Maybe better than the one that held their greatest-offense-of-all-time to 8 points in the Superbowl. Ok, maybe not that good, but they're on that level. However, their offense isn't CLOSE to the level of that Seahawks offense. But with Peyton, there's always the chance of finding some magic for a final push.

8. St. Louis Rams

They may have had some troubles on O against Green Bay, but that defense is a top 5 unit in the league. Aaron Donald is basically a smaller JJ Watt. Which means he's probably going to the hall of fame.

9. New York Jets

Ok, now come the boring teams. Time to stop talking.

10. Buffalo Bills
11. Philadelphia Eagles
12. New York Giants
13. Carolina Panthers
14. Baltimore Ravens
15. Atlanta Falcons
16. Dallas Cowboys
17. San Diego Chargers
18. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
19. Washington Redskins
20. Kansas City Chiefs
21. Oakland Raiders
22. Tennessee Titans
23. Chicago Bears
24. Houston Texans
25. Jacksonville Jaguars
26. Minnesota Vikings
27. Indianapolis Colts
28. Cleveland Browns
29. San Francisco 49ers
30. New Orleans Saints
31. Detroit Lions
32. Miami Dolphins