I feel pretty good about last week's rankings, the top 5 teams won by a combined 164-26. I'd say that's a pretty solid margin.
1. Arizona Cardinals
2. Seattle Seahawks
Biggest jump of anyone. Cut the gap in half again despite how well the Cardinals did. This is probably the best team in the NFL now. Again.
3. Pittsburgh Steelers
4. Cincinnati Bengals
Yes, they lost a spot despite winning 37-3.
5. Denver Broncos
6. New England Patriots
lol
7. Carolina Panthers
Just itching to give up that 7th spot.
8. Kansas City Chiefs
9. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
10. New York Jets
11. Green Bay Packers
12. Oakland Raiders
13. Buffalo Bills
14. St. Louis Rams
15. Chicago Bears
Yes, in the top 15, we have the Chiefs, Bucs, Jets, Raiders, Bills, Rams, and Bears. So basically over half of the bottom-10 crowd in recent years.
16. Baltimore Ravens
17. Detroit Lions
18. Atlanta Falcons
19. Houston Texans
20. Dallas Cowboys
21. Minnesota Vikings
22. Philadelphia Eagles
23. Jacksonville Jaguars
24. Miami Dolphins
25. Tennessee Titans
26. San Francisco 49ers
27. San Diego Chargers
28. Washington Redskins
29. New York Giants
30. Indianapolis Colts
31. New Orleans Saints
Yes, this is the team that almost knocked off the undefeated Panthers.
32. Cleveland Browns
Thursday, December 10, 2015
Tuesday, December 1, 2015
2015 NFL Power Rankings Week 12
On time as FUCK.
1. Arizona Cardinals
Everybody has bad games. But this one cost AZ half their lead over Seattle.
2. Seattle Seahawks
NFC West 2, everybody else 0.
3. Cincinnati Bengals
That dominant performance against the Rams has them solidly positioned to be the 2nd-seed and the 1st-most-skilliest team in the AFC.
4. Pittsburgh Steelers
How are all the best teams in the same divisions???
5. Denver Broncos
6. New England Patriots
Well, there goes one of them.
7. Carolina Panthers
The average ranking of their remaining (regular season) opponents is 21st. That's like, really high for an average.
8. Kansas City Chiefs
Closing the gap. It wouldn't be that unreasonable to see the Panthers go 16-0 as the 8th best team in the NFL.
9. Tampa Bay Buccanneers
Somehow my algorithm knows not to penalize teams for being unable to stop the unstoppable. AKA Matthew Hasselbeck.
10. New York Jets
Another really good looking win.
11. Oakland Raiders
Well they're more just a beneficiary of the Rams and Packers falling apart.
12. St. Louis Rams
13. Green Bay Packers
14. Baltimore Ravens
15. Buffalo Bills
16. Chicago Bears
They've done an incredible job to pull themselves out of the depths of the NFL basement.
17. Atlanta Falcons
We're nearing the end.
18. Minnesota Vikings
19. Houston Texans
I just can't think of watt could possibly keep this team from being the worst in the league. But somehow they're shutting down great offenses.
20. Detroit Lions
Don't get too proud of yourselves.
21. Jacksonville Jaguars
22. Dallas Cowboys
Remember when I made fun of the AFC South? Well I just want to point out that this week, the Cowboys are the first NFC East team you're seeing. God damn some divisions suck.
23. Philadelphia Eagles
24. Tennessee Titans
25. Miami Dolphins
26. San Francisco 49ers
27. Washington Redskins
28. San Diego Chargers
29. Indianapolis Colts
30. New York Giants
31. New Orleans Saints
32. Cleveland Browns
1. Arizona Cardinals
Everybody has bad games. But this one cost AZ half their lead over Seattle.
2. Seattle Seahawks
NFC West 2, everybody else 0.
3. Cincinnati Bengals
That dominant performance against the Rams has them solidly positioned to be the 2nd-seed and the 1st-most-skilliest team in the AFC.
4. Pittsburgh Steelers
How are all the best teams in the same divisions???
5. Denver Broncos
6. New England Patriots
Well, there goes one of them.
7. Carolina Panthers
The average ranking of their remaining (regular season) opponents is 21st. That's like, really high for an average.
8. Kansas City Chiefs
Closing the gap. It wouldn't be that unreasonable to see the Panthers go 16-0 as the 8th best team in the NFL.
9. Tampa Bay Buccanneers
Somehow my algorithm knows not to penalize teams for being unable to stop the unstoppable. AKA Matthew Hasselbeck.
10. New York Jets
Another really good looking win.
11. Oakland Raiders
Well they're more just a beneficiary of the Rams and Packers falling apart.
12. St. Louis Rams
13. Green Bay Packers
14. Baltimore Ravens
15. Buffalo Bills
16. Chicago Bears
They've done an incredible job to pull themselves out of the depths of the NFL basement.
17. Atlanta Falcons
We're nearing the end.
18. Minnesota Vikings
19. Houston Texans
I just can't think of watt could possibly keep this team from being the worst in the league. But somehow they're shutting down great offenses.
20. Detroit Lions
Don't get too proud of yourselves.
21. Jacksonville Jaguars
22. Dallas Cowboys
Remember when I made fun of the AFC South? Well I just want to point out that this week, the Cowboys are the first NFC East team you're seeing. God damn some divisions suck.
23. Philadelphia Eagles
24. Tennessee Titans
25. Miami Dolphins
26. San Francisco 49ers
27. Washington Redskins
28. San Diego Chargers
29. Indianapolis Colts
30. New York Giants
31. New Orleans Saints
32. Cleveland Browns
Thursday, November 26, 2015
2015 NFL Power Rankings Week 11
Gotta get these in before too many games happen.
1. Arizona Cardinals
It's interesting to note that while all these other top teams have been falling back to the pack, the Cardinals are still >2.5 standard deviations above the mean and >1 SD above the number two team.
2. New England Patriots
As you've probably deduced from the last blurb, they're only about 1.5 SD above the mean, but given that the toughest offense they face from here on out is the Dolphins, it's still not that unreasonable for them to just keep winning and winning. Just have to not fuck up this Sunday against Denver. Because Denver has the kind of offense that will fuck up against you.
3. Pittsburgh Steelers
4. Seattle Seahawks
Another team that's 1.5 SD above the mean. Now look at the 10-0 vs. the 5-5. That's what luck will do for you - the luck of getting to play in the AFC East vs. the NFC West...
5. Cincinnati Bengals
6. Denver Broncos
7. Carolina Panthers
...or the luck of winning all your close games.
8. Kansas City Chiefs
9. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
You're not seeing it wrong. The Bucs really are in the top 10.
10. St. Louis Rams
11. New York Jets
12. Green Bay Packers
13. Buffalo Bills
14. Atlanta Falcons
15. Oakland Raiders
16. Baltimore Ravens
17. Chicago Bears
18. Houston Texans
19. Minnesota Vikings
20. Dallas Cowboys
Even if the Cowboys lose out, they'll still have more losses without Romo than with him. #mvp #thirdhighestpasserratingofalltime #whoevercouldbesecond #ohthatsright
21. Philadelphia Eagles
22. Detroit Lions
23. Jacksonville Jaguars
24. Tennessee Titans
25. Miami Dolphins
26. Indianapolis Colts
They look a lot better with that new guy starting. It's probably time for Luck to retire.
27. New York Giants
28. San Diego Chargers
29. New Orleans Saints
30. Washington Redskins
31. San Francisco 49ers
32. Cleveland Browns
Sunday, November 22, 2015
2015 NFL Power Rankings Week 10
Beat the start of the Sunday games! Barely. Barely as fuck.
1. Arizona Cardinals
2. New England Patriots
Somehow moved up a couple spots after their worst game of the season. Because somehow the Bengals and especially the Broncos had WAY WORSE games. But to put it in perspective, last week, they were 1 spot and .395 standard deviations above the Seahawks. This week, they're ahead by more spots, but only .09 standard deviations above Seattle (I'm using Seattle as a reference because they didn't have a wildly good or bad game like the other surrounding teams. Also to show how closely packed the next few teams are).
3. Pittsburgh Steelers
Yeah, that was one of the wildly successful games. Fuckfuckfuckfuck went off.
4. Cincinnati Bengals
5. Seattle Seahawks
6. Denver Broncos
The end of a motherfucking era. But still a god damn ridiculously good/all-time great defense.
7. Carolina Panthers
8. New York Jets
9. St. Louis Rams
10. Kansas City Chiefs
11. Green Bay Packers
It's been over a month since they've won a game, for those who haven't been counting.
12. Buffalo Bills
13. Philadelphia Eagles
14. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
15. Oakland Raiders
16. Atlanta Falcons
17. Baltimore Ravens
18. Chicago Bears
19. Minnesota Vikings
20. Dallas Cowboys
21. Houston Texans
22. Miami Dolphins
23. Jacksonville Jaguars
24. Detroit Lions
25. Tennessee Titans
26. San Diego Chargers
27. Indianapolis Colts
28. New York Giants
29. San Francisco 49ers
30. New Orleans Saints
That's the number 5 offense in the league right now. Only problem is, well, they seem to be the anti-Broncos. As greatest-of-all-time-level as the Broncos' defense is good... Let's just say these Saints are approaching their 2012 version in defensive ineptitude.
31. Washington Redskins
32. Cleveland Browns
1. Arizona Cardinals
2. New England Patriots
Somehow moved up a couple spots after their worst game of the season. Because somehow the Bengals and especially the Broncos had WAY WORSE games. But to put it in perspective, last week, they were 1 spot and .395 standard deviations above the Seahawks. This week, they're ahead by more spots, but only .09 standard deviations above Seattle (I'm using Seattle as a reference because they didn't have a wildly good or bad game like the other surrounding teams. Also to show how closely packed the next few teams are).
3. Pittsburgh Steelers
Yeah, that was one of the wildly successful games. Fuckfuckfuckfuck went off.
4. Cincinnati Bengals
5. Seattle Seahawks
6. Denver Broncos
The end of a motherfucking era. But still a god damn ridiculously good/all-time great defense.
7. Carolina Panthers
8. New York Jets
9. St. Louis Rams
10. Kansas City Chiefs
11. Green Bay Packers
It's been over a month since they've won a game, for those who haven't been counting.
12. Buffalo Bills
13. Philadelphia Eagles
14. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
15. Oakland Raiders
16. Atlanta Falcons
17. Baltimore Ravens
18. Chicago Bears
19. Minnesota Vikings
20. Dallas Cowboys
21. Houston Texans
22. Miami Dolphins
23. Jacksonville Jaguars
24. Detroit Lions
25. Tennessee Titans
26. San Diego Chargers
27. Indianapolis Colts
28. New York Giants
29. San Francisco 49ers
30. New Orleans Saints
That's the number 5 offense in the league right now. Only problem is, well, they seem to be the anti-Broncos. As greatest-of-all-time-level as the Broncos' defense is good... Let's just say these Saints are approaching their 2012 version in defensive ineptitude.
31. Washington Redskins
32. Cleveland Browns
Friday, November 13, 2015
2015 NFL Power Rankings Week 9
Got the blog going up (going up)... ON A FRIDAY. Wait what? I think it means that the top 4 teams don't actually stand much of a chance at winning the Superbowl this year. Same for the bottom 27, obviously. Anyways, here we go.
1. Arizona Cardinals
2. Cincinnati Bengals
3. Denver Broncos
Aaaaand you blew it. Still easily the best defense in the league, and still one of the greatest of all time, but not the greatest. In other words, you ain't JJ Watt.
4. New England Patriots
5. Seattle Seahawks
6. Pittsburgh Steelers
Somehow beating the Raiders is actually impressive now. I don't know if I can handle this NFL.
7. Carolina Panthers
Second straight week of someone doing to the Packers what the Raiders were doing to everyone else. Wait what?
8. St. Louis Rams
9. New York Jets
10. Green Bay Packers
11. Buffalo Bills
12. Oakland Raiders
They dropped a spot! Everything* is back to normal!
13. Kansas City Chiefs
14. Philadelphia Eagles
15. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
One of the most dominant losing performances in the past few years. Wait what?
16. Atlanta Falcons
17. Jacksonville Jaguars
AFC South moving up**. But the sneaky part is that it's actually because of their now top-10 defense.
18. Baltimore Ravens
19. Dallas Cowboys
Luckily, they have an incredible line. Which allows them to win something* with Romo out.
20. Minnesota Vikings
21. Miami Dolphins
22. Chicago Bears
23. Houston Texans
24. New Orleans Saints
6th ranked offense, 32nd ranked defense. Makes things interesting.
25. San Diego Chargers
8th ranked offense, 31st ranked defense. When I said interesting I was referring to how similar these two teams are. They're also 1st and 2nd in pass attempts, by the way. Which kinda makes sense.
26. Indianapolis Colts
3rd in pass attempts. Not top 10 in offense though. Or even close. It's interesting that the top 4 most pass-heavy teams are all next to each other (Texans).
27. Tennessee Titans
28. Detroit Lions
29. San Francisco 49ers
30. New York Giants
I know you're 5-4. See how much I care.
31. Cleveland Browns
32. Washington Redskins
*nothing
**Wait what?
1. Arizona Cardinals
2. Cincinnati Bengals
3. Denver Broncos
Aaaaand you blew it. Still easily the best defense in the league, and still one of the greatest of all time, but not the greatest. In other words, you ain't JJ Watt.
4. New England Patriots
5. Seattle Seahawks
6. Pittsburgh Steelers
Somehow beating the Raiders is actually impressive now. I don't know if I can handle this NFL.
7. Carolina Panthers
Second straight week of someone doing to the Packers what the Raiders were doing to everyone else. Wait what?
8. St. Louis Rams
9. New York Jets
10. Green Bay Packers
11. Buffalo Bills
12. Oakland Raiders
They dropped a spot! Everything* is back to normal!
13. Kansas City Chiefs
14. Philadelphia Eagles
15. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
One of the most dominant losing performances in the past few years. Wait what?
16. Atlanta Falcons
17. Jacksonville Jaguars
AFC South moving up**. But the sneaky part is that it's actually because of their now top-10 defense.
18. Baltimore Ravens
19. Dallas Cowboys
Luckily, they have an incredible line. Which allows them to win something* with Romo out.
20. Minnesota Vikings
21. Miami Dolphins
22. Chicago Bears
23. Houston Texans
24. New Orleans Saints
6th ranked offense, 32nd ranked defense. Makes things interesting.
25. San Diego Chargers
8th ranked offense, 31st ranked defense. When I said interesting I was referring to how similar these two teams are. They're also 1st and 2nd in pass attempts, by the way. Which kinda makes sense.
26. Indianapolis Colts
3rd in pass attempts. Not top 10 in offense though. Or even close. It's interesting that the top 4 most pass-heavy teams are all next to each other (Texans).
27. Tennessee Titans
28. Detroit Lions
29. San Francisco 49ers
30. New York Giants
I know you're 5-4. See how much I care.
31. Cleveland Browns
32. Washington Redskins
*nothing
**Wait what?
Thursday, November 5, 2015
2015 NFL Power Rankings Week 8
BEFORE THURSDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL! BOOM!
1. Arizona Cardinals
It was starting to feel inevitable.
2. Denver Broncos
They just allowed 50 yards passing to the Packers. The Packers. As in the team with what has been by far the most efficient passing game ever over a 5 year span. This might be the best defense of all time.
3. Cincinnati Bengals
That was not a good game. But when your top spot is reliant on Dalton continuing to put up unsustainable numbers, then obviously you're gonna fall eventually.
4. New England Patriots
5. Seattle Seahawks
6. St. Louis Rams
Yes, half of the top 6 teams play in the NFC west. Kinda like how 4 of the bottom 10 teams play in the AFC south. Haha 4. That's all of them.
7. Pittsburgh Steelers
8. New York Jets
I realize the Raiders are kinda good now, but you can't let them do you like that. And I realize that's basically what I told the Chargers last week, but you can't let them do you like that.
9. Green Bay Packers
s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-SEE-YA
10. Carolina Panthers
11. Oakland Raiders
Yes the Raiders. What the fuck. I'm leaving.
12. Buffalo Bills
13. Kansas City Chiefs
14. Atlanta Falcons
15. Philadelphia Eagles
16. Dallas Cowboys
17. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
18. Baltimore Ravens
19. Miami Dolphins
20. San Diego Chargers
21. New Orleans Saints
Holy FUCK there were a lot of points that game. And my algorithm still doesn't think their defense is that much worse than the Chargers' (the second worst team).
22. Minnesota Vikings
23. Jacksonville Jaguars
24. Houston Texans
Remember last season when JJ Watt had the 3 greatest games of all time? You know which one gets to be the greatest? None of them anymore.
25. Chicago Bears
26. New York Giants
Even more amazingly, their defense still gets to be better than the Chargers'.
27. Indianapolis Colts
28. Cleveland Browns
29. Detroit Lions
30. Tennessee Titans
31. San Francisco 49ers
32. Washington Redskins
1. Arizona Cardinals
It was starting to feel inevitable.
2. Denver Broncos
They just allowed 50 yards passing to the Packers. The Packers. As in the team with what has been by far the most efficient passing game ever over a 5 year span. This might be the best defense of all time.
3. Cincinnati Bengals
That was not a good game. But when your top spot is reliant on Dalton continuing to put up unsustainable numbers, then obviously you're gonna fall eventually.
4. New England Patriots
5. Seattle Seahawks
6. St. Louis Rams
Yes, half of the top 6 teams play in the NFC west. Kinda like how 4 of the bottom 10 teams play in the AFC south. Haha 4. That's all of them.
7. Pittsburgh Steelers
8. New York Jets
I realize the Raiders are kinda good now, but you can't let them do you like that. And I realize that's basically what I told the Chargers last week, but you can't let them do you like that.
9. Green Bay Packers
s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-SEE-YA
10. Carolina Panthers
11. Oakland Raiders
Yes the Raiders. What the fuck. I'm leaving.
12. Buffalo Bills
13. Kansas City Chiefs
14. Atlanta Falcons
15. Philadelphia Eagles
16. Dallas Cowboys
17. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
18. Baltimore Ravens
19. Miami Dolphins
20. San Diego Chargers
21. New Orleans Saints
Holy FUCK there were a lot of points that game. And my algorithm still doesn't think their defense is that much worse than the Chargers' (the second worst team).
22. Minnesota Vikings
23. Jacksonville Jaguars
24. Houston Texans
Remember last season when JJ Watt had the 3 greatest games of all time? You know which one gets to be the greatest? None of them anymore.
25. Chicago Bears
26. New York Giants
Even more amazingly, their defense still gets to be better than the Chargers'.
27. Indianapolis Colts
28. Cleveland Browns
29. Detroit Lions
30. Tennessee Titans
31. San Francisco 49ers
32. Washington Redskins
Sunday, November 1, 2015
2015 NFL Power Rankings Week 7
I made it before the big wave of games started! Thursday night and London games are to be expected. But anyways, here are the new rankings.
1. Cincinnati Bengals
You know everything everybody is saying about the Patriots? They should really be saying it about the Bengals. This is (by quite a bit) the best offense in the NFL. Defense, not so much. Which will make holding on to the top spot even harder.
2. Arizona Cardinals
Ok, a few weeks ago it wasn't close, but now it is. The Cardinals are within .00175 standard deviations of the Bengals. And this is in spite of their number-two-offense-in-the-league being nowhere near the Bengals'.
3. Green Bay Packers
They're consistently good, but they need it to stay here. The Packers aren't in the same class as the Bengals and Cardinals, they don't have that kind of wiggle room.
4. New York Jets
5. New England Patriots
The Jets ran the ball better and passed the ball better than the Patriots. But you know what the Patriots did better? Completely avoiding running the ball. As in they had 9 rushes all game. Four of which were by Brady. Darell "fuck-you-you-piece-of-shit-just-fucking-fire-this-dude-already" Bevell, maybe there's a lesson to be learned here.
6. Seattle Seahawks
Speaking of which, I wonder why the 6th best team in the NFL has such a poor record...
Ok, when your scoring margin is +26, a lot has to be attributed to luck, but as for the rest? Just look up.
7. Denver Broncos
The only reason my rankings don't say they have the worst offense in the league is that I'm still taking last season into account. Peyton is looking done-done-done-done-done and has been for a while. But then again, their all-time-great defense has somehow prevented them from losing a single game.
8. Pittsburgh Steelers
As much as I hate to admit it, Ben Fuckfuckfuckfuck might actually be somewhat important. Nowhere near Romo level though, it's pretty telling when you're winning 100% with and 0% without.
9. St. Louis Rams
They got a good defense. Gurley looks good. It's hard to improve your ranking playing the Browns. You're expected to dominate like they did.
10. Carolina Panthers
11. Buffalo Bills
12. Philadelphia Eagles
13. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Wait what? The Bucs? Here? I guess my algorithm was a big fan of that loss to the Redskins. Which to be fair it should be, but it seems like it was a really big fan. As we'll see by Washington's ranking. But to be fair, a lot of this big movement in the rankings is just the teams around here all being clumped close together.
14. Miami Dolphins
My algorithm is a big fan of all-time-great offensive games.
15. Dallas Cowboys
We've talked about them already. But maybe Dez will help a little bit.
16. Oakland Raiders
17. Kansas City Chiefs
18. Atlanta Falcons
19. Baltimore Ravens
20. New York Giants
21. Jacksonville Jaguars
Widening the gap between them and the rest of the teams in their division...
22. San Diego Chargers
You can't let the Raiders do that to you, man.
23. Minnesota Vikings
24. Chicago Bears
25. San Francisco 49ers
26. New Orleans Saints
27. Indianapolis Colts
28. Tennessee Titans
29. Detroit Lions
30. Houston Texans
31. Cleveland Browns
32. Washington Redskins
1. Cincinnati Bengals
You know everything everybody is saying about the Patriots? They should really be saying it about the Bengals. This is (by quite a bit) the best offense in the NFL. Defense, not so much. Which will make holding on to the top spot even harder.
2. Arizona Cardinals
Ok, a few weeks ago it wasn't close, but now it is. The Cardinals are within .00175 standard deviations of the Bengals. And this is in spite of their number-two-offense-in-the-league being nowhere near the Bengals'.
3. Green Bay Packers
They're consistently good, but they need it to stay here. The Packers aren't in the same class as the Bengals and Cardinals, they don't have that kind of wiggle room.
4. New York Jets
5. New England Patriots
The Jets ran the ball better and passed the ball better than the Patriots. But you know what the Patriots did better? Completely avoiding running the ball. As in they had 9 rushes all game. Four of which were by Brady. Darell "fuck-you-you-piece-of-shit-just-fucking-fire-this-dude-already" Bevell, maybe there's a lesson to be learned here.
6. Seattle Seahawks
Speaking of which, I wonder why the 6th best team in the NFL has such a poor record...
Ok, when your scoring margin is +26, a lot has to be attributed to luck, but as for the rest? Just look up.
7. Denver Broncos
The only reason my rankings don't say they have the worst offense in the league is that I'm still taking last season into account. Peyton is looking done-done-done-done-done and has been for a while. But then again, their all-time-great defense has somehow prevented them from losing a single game.
8. Pittsburgh Steelers
As much as I hate to admit it, Ben Fuckfuckfuckfuck might actually be somewhat important. Nowhere near Romo level though, it's pretty telling when you're winning 100% with and 0% without.
9. St. Louis Rams
They got a good defense. Gurley looks good. It's hard to improve your ranking playing the Browns. You're expected to dominate like they did.
10. Carolina Panthers
11. Buffalo Bills
12. Philadelphia Eagles
13. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Wait what? The Bucs? Here? I guess my algorithm was a big fan of that loss to the Redskins. Which to be fair it should be, but it seems like it was a really big fan. As we'll see by Washington's ranking. But to be fair, a lot of this big movement in the rankings is just the teams around here all being clumped close together.
14. Miami Dolphins
My algorithm is a big fan of all-time-great offensive games.
15. Dallas Cowboys
We've talked about them already. But maybe Dez will help a little bit.
16. Oakland Raiders
17. Kansas City Chiefs
18. Atlanta Falcons
19. Baltimore Ravens
20. New York Giants
21. Jacksonville Jaguars
Widening the gap between them and the rest of the teams in their division...
22. San Diego Chargers
You can't let the Raiders do that to you, man.
23. Minnesota Vikings
24. Chicago Bears
25. San Francisco 49ers
26. New Orleans Saints
27. Indianapolis Colts
28. Tennessee Titans
29. Detroit Lions
30. Houston Texans
31. Cleveland Browns
32. Washington Redskins
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